I Love You When You Can't
by amiundone
Summary: How could someone that hated themselves so much be so easy to fall in love with? CHAPTER 12 RE-DONE
1. Never Wanted Anything So Much

I Love You When You Can't

I Love You When You Can't 

Summary 

How could someone that hated themselves so much be so easy to fall in love with?

Paring 

Ponyboy/Johnny

Main Characters

Ponyboy Curtis: 15

Johnny Cade: 17

Other Characters 

Darrel "Darry" Curtis: 21

Sodapop Curtis: 17

Dallas "Dally" Winston: 18

Keith "Two-Bit" Matthews: 19

Steve Randle: 18

P.O.V

Ponyboy Curtis

Chapter One 

**Never Wanted Anything So Much **

I felt stupid just sitting there and looking at him. Soon he'd notice something and pond me for acting queer. I just couldn't help it. It was only the two of us sitting in my living room, watching some stupid mouse on TV. Well, I wasn't watching the mouse as much as I was Johnny.

He just sat there, staring off at the TV, but it was easy to see that he wasn't really watching it. He was really thinking, hard. He did that a lot after he almost died last year. He was different, but the same. Johnny was still quiet and maybe even more scared, but he loved to ride around and see things, old and new. He went out a lot with the guys then again he stayed at my house with me. At night he went back home and would stay there until either his Dad beat him bad or his mom kicked him out.

"Hey Pony?" He asked, making me break my thoughts.

"What?" I asked, looking at the floor.

"Why do ya stare at me?" He asked.

"What?" I asked, trying to sound like I didn't know what he was talking about.

"Don't try and deny it. I see ya doin it all the time. How come?" He asked.

"I donno. I don't even notice I'm doing it." I answered, cheeks bright red and hot.

"Right. What do you think it would be like to be a bug?" He asked all of a sudden.

"Do what?" I asked, giving him a strange look.

"I mean what do they see? Are the blades of grass like their trees? Puddles of water are like their oceans? Do they have their own world? Have you ever thought about it?" He asked, not really caring about the look I shot him.

"I guess I have. When I was little." I answered. "When I asked Darry he just said they were insignificant and don't even need to be around. But he was only eight."

Johnny gave a weak smile. "That's how some people are."

"What do you mean?" I asked, running a hand through my hair that had only just went back to the right color.

Johnny was always really down on himself and almost dieing didn't help at all. His parents didn't treat him any better, but he just thought he deserved it. That's why he just went back almost every night, trying to stay out of their way and do what ever they tell him to.

"Nothin Pony. You wouldn't understand." He answered, looking back to the TV.

He was right. I couldn't ever understand how Johnny felt. I was never abused and when Darry hit me it really didn't scratch the surface. To Johnny I was spoiled. I may not have parents, but at lest they loved me when they were alive. Even without them I have Darry and Sodapop. Johnny had no family members to go to. He had use, but it just wasn't the same.

"You wanna go out tonight. See a movie or something?" Johnny asked.

"Can't. It's a school night. You know how Darry is." I said, with a smile.

"Yeah. Well I'm outa here. I'll be back for dinner." He said as he got up and grabbed his new leather jacket Dally lifted for him. He pulled a bottle wrapped in a paper bag out and took a drink of it.

"See ya." I said as he walked out the door. I got up, turning the TV off, and got in the shower. When I got out I heard someone come in the door. I was sure it was just Two-Bit or Dally.

I got out after I got dressed and was met face to face with a man. I'd seen him before, but couldn't put a name with the face.

"Where is he?" He asked angrily.

"Who?" I asked as he pushed me back. Soon my butt hit the dinning room table.

"You know who I'm talking about, kid!" He yelled, grabbing each side of the table.

I did the same, coming up with a way to get out the door at lest. "Get out." I warned.

"Tell me where he is!"

I kneed the man in between his legs hard, lifting myself on to the table. I rolled off the table quickly, being sure to kick the man in the head a good time. When I was off I ran to the door, tripping over the rug on my way. I looked back at the man and saw him getting up. I tried to get back to my feet, but pain shot through my ankle making it impossible.

"You're real stupid, kid. Just tell me." He said, walking over to me.

I felt like crying, but that wasn't going to help me. I drug myself over to the couch and used it to get myself up without leaning on my left foot. "I don't know who you're talking about."

His dark eyes danced with enjoyment at this point. He pushed me onto the couch and kicked my left ankle.

I bit my lip to keep from screaming. "Get out!" I choked.

Just in time the door opened and in came Johnny beside Dally.

"Hey Pony, I forgot…" Johnny stopped and stared at what was happening.

"There you are." The man said, turning around and grabbing Johnny's arm.

"What's going on?" Dally asked, glaring at the man. Johnny's dad.

I have no idea how I couldn't see the resemblance, but I hadn't seen Mr. Cade in years.

But really they looked alike. The same skin color, eye color, head shape. But Mr. Cade looked a lot meaner.

"I need the boy at home." Mr. Cade answered.

Johnny looked scared, I'd never seen him like that.

"Man let him go." Dally demanded.

"Dal, it's okay." Johnny whispered, letting his dad drag him out of the house like a rag doll.

Before the door shut I thought I heard Johnny whisper, "I deserve it."

**Short for a reason. –Wink- -Wink- **


	2. If I told you I loved you?

Chapter Two

Chapter Two 

If I told you I loved you?

Of course, Darry made me go to the doctor when he came home and saw my ankle like it was. I didn't want to go, because one time Dally broke his ankle and Darry fixed it. He was good as new and all he had to do was sit on the couch for a few days then he was back up and going.

"You're not Dally." Was Darry's lame excuse.

So, I was sitting in the hospital half the day, getting shot up with pain reliever before the doctor decided to come do something.

A chubby man in a white jacket walked in after I'd been sitting there with a deadened leg for what felt like hours.

"Ponyboy Curtis?" He asked, looking at his chart.

'Great, I get the crazy one.' I thought with a sigh. "Yeah."

"What happened to your ankle?" He asked, picking it up and looking at it as he sat in his chair.

"Tripped. I was training for track." I answered, just like I'd rehearsed it with Sodapop. We really didn't want to stress Johnny over all this.

"Alright…Lay down now and I'll fix this up." The doctor said, rolling his chair over to the other side.

"Okay." I said, slowly pulling myself into the right position.

"This is going to be a little uncomfortable." The doctor warned.

I bit my lip and sucked in my breath. I really didn't feel anything till I heard my bones scrape together. Then I felt something. It wasn't pain, but I think pain would have been better than that feeling.

"I'll get the nurse back in here to wrap you up and give you the crutch." The doctor said when he finished.

"Crutch?" I asked, frowning.

"Yep. Maybe just a month." He said, walking out of the room.

I sat back up and pushed a hand through my hair. 'How tuff.' I thought.

When we got home I was still having troubles with the crutch.

"Pony, you can't lean on your bad foot." Darry said, grabbing my arm when I gasped.

"I just can't get used to this." I complained as I followed the others into the house.

"You'll live." Darry said, helping me over to the couch.

I laid down, letting the crutch fall beside me. "Good thing it's summer time."

Sodapop grinned down at me. "Good thing." He agreed, pulling my legs up carefully. He said down and let them rest on top of his.

I suddenly sat up. "Someone go get Johnny." I demanded.

"I'll go. Two-Bit you wanna come?" Steve asked, getting up and going to the door.

"Sure." Two-Bit answered following.

I relaxed a little, knowing that if anything was going on, Two-Bit and Steve would stop it.

"Pony, take two of these. Your doctor said it's good for the pain." Darry said, holding out two small blue pills in his large hand.

"What do they do?" Sodapop asked as I took them.

"Doc says it's like laughing gas. He'll be out of it in a few minutes, but still awake." Darry explained.

"You just drugged me." I said, putting my hand on my throat.

Darry rolled his eyes. "Drama queen."

I rested my head on the arm of the couch and gave up. I guess it would be pretty nice.

Darry was right, after a few minutes I felt sleepy.

I let my eyes close then I opened them, thinking about how rude it would be to sleep while they were talking.

"How ya feeling, Pony?" Sodapop asked.

I looked at him and saw a ring of white around his head. "Good… Good…"

He nodded and looked over to Darry.

I followed his look and saw Darry the same way. I groaned and looked at the ceiling, making the room spin. "Sodapop… Make it stop." I whispered, fisting the couch cushions. I heard a chuckle from them both.

"Hey guys." Soda said after a while.

I looked away from the ceiling and, rolled over. I saw Johnny and the other two walk in. "Johnny! Come here!" I said, outstretching my arms to him.

Johnny smiled, taking my hands. "What's up with him?"

"Pain pills." Darry answered.

I really wasn't paying attention to the rest of the conversation. I was staring at Johnny, tugging him closer like I used to with Mom when I was little.

Johnny did as I wanted, moving closer and closer.

"Johnny…" I wined.

"Sit up Pony." He said, patting me on the head.

I did, grabbing Sodapop to hold myself up.

"Okay, lay back down." I heard Johnny say. I did and felt him under me. I stared up at him, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"Real sorry bout what happened." Johnny said, smoothing my hair back. "Dad needed me home to clean the kitchen."

"It's okay." I said quietly. "I love you."

Everyone stopped talking and looked at me.

"I love you so much." I said again.

"He doesn't know what he's saying." Darry said, chuckling a little.

Johnny stared at me with wide eyes. He bit his lip softly and looked back at the others, who were chatting away again.

I felt myself fading out. I needed sleep at that time and I didn't even think about how'd I'd regret what I'd said.

I woke up and the house was dark.

Sodapop wasn't at my feet anymore, but I had my head in someone's lap.

I rolled over and looked up to Johnny.

He had his head resting in his hand, leaning on the arm rest. He looked uncomfortable.

"Johnny…" I whispered, shaking him.

Johnny looked at me for a minute, probably trying to remember where he was. "What's wrong?" He asked after a while.

"Nothing. You just don't look comfortable." I said, sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

"I'm okay. How do you feel?" He asked, stretching his legs out.

"Good." I answered, leaning across him to turn the lamp on. I looked down at my wrapped ankle.

"I could get outa here if you need me to." Johnny said after a minute.

"No… I'm just thinking of a way we could make this comfortable." I said, grabbing my crutch. "I think I'll get a class of water while I'm up. Want something?"

"Naw." Johnny answered, getting up and going to the bathroom.

I went in the kitchen and grabbed a small glass, filling it with cold water. I had all the water drank when I heard Johnny come back out to the living room.

"I have an idea." Johnny whispered at the door of the kitchen.

I nodded and made my way back to the couch.

Johnny laid down, spreading out. "You can use my shoulder as a pillow."

I got the picture and blushed a little. I couldn't tell if he was blushing, but his skin was so dark it didn't matter. I sat between his legs, letting my legs hang over the side of the couch. It really wasn't what it looked like. It did look kinda bad. I got situated after a minute and turned the lamp off.

"Ponyboy?" Johnny asked after a few minutes.

I was so sleepy; I don't think I could have answered if I wanted. I just pretended to be asleep.

"I love you too…"


	3. When It's Not Okay

Chapter Three

Chapter Three 

When it's Not Okay

I woke up the second time to Steve slamming the front door shut. I groaned and looked to Johnny.

He was still asleep and I didn't want to wake him.

That meant I had to stay where I was. Some how in the night he'd gotten his arms around my chest and our legs crossed.

I closed my eyes again, hoping the gang wouldn't be too loud this morning.

_Slam! _

Steve tackling Sodapop.

"Two-Bit!"

Two-Bit waking Darry.

No such luck.

I looked up at the ceiling and saw that it wasn't spinning anymore. I remember what I said the other night and wanted to punch myself. After that I remembered what Johnny told me. I could have just dreamed it all. That was possible.

"Johnny…" I said, shaking him awake. I couldn't lay there any longer.

Johnny groaned. "Morning."

I rolled over on him and looked down on him. "Sleep good?"

Johnny smiled up to me. "Yeah. Now get off. You're crushing me"

I grinned and got up, I can't remember how. I had to stand on one leg, because I forgot to grab my crutch.

Johnny stood up after, cracking his back. "Gees."

"What are your plans today?" I asked, sitting back down.

"Donno. I might go home." He answered, stretching some more.

"Why do you go back there?" I asked.

Johnny shrugged. "It ain't that bad."

"Bull." I muttered.

"Look Pony, you just don't understand." Johnny said, defending them.

"They beat you!" I yelled, getting to my feet. I felt pain shot up my leg, but that didn't matter.

"They only do it when I mess up." He said, grabbing his jacket.

I watched him, pull his torn Chuck Taylors on and walk to the door.

"I don't understand." I told him. "But you don't either."

He looked at the floor with his hand on the door knob. "I know."

"Don't go." I said almost begged.

"I have to." He said, wiping his eyes quickly. "They need me."

"I'm coming with you." I said, grabbing my crutch.

"Not after what happened." Johnny said, opening the door.

"I'm not let you go on your own." I said, making my way over to him.

"I can take care of myself!" Johnny yelled.

I stopped and watched him.

"What's going on?"

Johnny and I both turned around and saw the gang behind us.

"I'll see you guys later." Johnny said, leaving quickly.

"That happened?" Darry asked.

"Nothing." I snapped, grabbing my crutch and going to my room, locking the door.

LATER

Later that night, I came out, ready for my pills.

Johnny had come back. He was sitting at the dinner table with Darry.

I went over and sat myself across from them.

Johnny's wrist was cut opened.

"What happened?" I asked, watching Darry put some alcohol on a rag.

"I was chopping something and my hand slipped." Johnny answered.

"We all know that's bull." Dally commented, ruffling his hair.

Johnny shrugged and bit his lip while Darry rubbed the alcohol on his cut.

"How'd you sleep, Pony?" Sodapop asked, coming out of the bathroom.

"Good." I answered, cracking my neck.

"All good, Johnny." Darry said, putting his stuff away.

"Don't you need to wrap him up?" I asked as they both got up.

"Naw. It's not that deep." Darry answered, sitting on the couch beside Two-Bit.

"Johnny, could we talk?" I asked, inching to my room.

"I guess." Johnny answered, following me.

I shut the door behind us and sat on the bad. "What really happened?"

Johnny shrugged, sitting next to me. "Does it really matter?"

"No… I guess I already know the answer." I answered.

"It was my fault." He whispered, holding himself. "I got in her way."

"What?" I asked, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"I was reaching for something and knocked over her drink. I should have been more careful." He sobbed quietly.

"It's not your fault." I whispered, putting my arms around him.

Johnny buried his face into my neck. "What does it even matter anymore?" He asked.

"Johnny, you can't keep going back there." I said, pressing my lips on his forehead.

"I have to. They need me." He said.

I could feel fresh tears against my neck. "So what?"

"I love them." He choked.

"It's not okay for you to let them do this." I told him.

"What else am I gonna do. They're my parents." He said, pulling his head up to look at me.

"I don't know…" I answered, hugging him tight.

He clanged to my shirt like a little kid, fisting the back. "What am I gonna do?" He sobbed.

"It's gonna be okay." I whispered, letting a tear slid down my face. I buried my head into his warm shoulder.

"I can't leave them." He said, letting me go slowly.

"You have to," I said, taking his hand and looking at his wrist. "because of stuff like this."

Johnny nodded, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand.

I felt like I had to do something and he looked so… There.

His lips quivered slightly as his whole body shook.

Once I knew he caught his breath I went for it. I felt his upper lip against the crease of mine. I pulled away, feeling stupid. I was being stupid. Heck, I even missed!

"Sorry." I said quickly.

"It's okay." Johnny said with a small smile and a blush. "You can try again."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing from him. He wanted me to try again. He felt the same I guess. Or did he? It didn't matter at the time.

Carefully, I pressed my lips lightly against his. Johnny pushed his lips on mine and pulled away. The kiss was short and sweet.

"Do you mean it?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah." I answered, kissing him again.

This time I opened my mouth, allowing him, if he wanted, to explore a little. Johnny took the chance and slipped in quickly, venturing around slowly. I moaned a little in his mouth, for a reason I couldn't find. Johnny found it motivating and started putting his hands on me. I let my hands rest on his broad shoulders as he ran his hands up and down my back. Johnny was the one to pull away, wiping his mouth.

"Wow…" I whispered, grinning.

"Yeah." Johnny replied holding me.


	4. If They Hurt You They Hurt Me

Chapter Four

Chapter Four 

If They Hurt You They Hurt Me

The next day everyone was off of work. We all stayed inside, hanging out at the house, 'cause Darry, Soda, and Steve didn't feel much like doing anything on their off day.

Johnny and I decided it was best to keep 'us' to ourselves. Well, Johnny decided it himself. He was more afraid of them all than me.

"Bored!" Two-Bit yelled after his fifth episode of Mickey Mouse.

"No yelling." Darry said, flipping through his paper.

"Yes _father_." Two-Bit said, rolling his eyes. "Come on Dal, let's beat it outa the old folk's home."

Dally nodded and got up, stretching. "You sure you gonna stick hear, Steve?"

"Yeah, man. Yesterday was busy." Steve answered with his eyes closed.

"John?" Two-Bit asked, pulling his leather jacket on.

"Sure. Pony you wanna?" He asked me before getting up.

"Yeah." I answered, glancing at Darry quickly, who just nodded and took a drink of coffee.

I followed the older guys outside and to Two-Bit's rusty old car. I hated riding in that car. I like Steve's car much better.

"Man, we ain't taken that old thing." Dally said, walking right passed it.

"At least I have a car." Two-Bit muttered, coming up behind him.

"Wanna say that again?" Dally asked, pushing him.

Johnny rolled his eyes, pulling a pack of Kools from his jacket pocket.

"How comes you guys wear jackets?" I asked, thinking of how I was the only one in short sleeves.

"Makes us look tough." Two-Bit answered, flexing.

"Some people really need the help." Dally said with a grin.

"Ain't ya burnin up?" I asked.

"How come you ask so many questions?" Dally asked, putting me in a head lock.

"Ow! Come on Dal! Let me go!" I said as he drug me and my crutch beside him.

"Toughen up, Kido." He said, pulling harder.

It was hard to breath, but I knew Dally wouldn't really hurt me without a real reason.

"Man, Dal let the kid go. Dally'll have your balls for this." Two-Bit said, grabbing my arm.

Dally let me go, laughing. "Looks like he already got yours."

I drifted back to where Johnny was, about fife feet behind them.

"You okay?" He asked, quietly as he passed his cigarette to me.

"Yeah." I answered as I took a long drag. "He was just a little too rough."

"I saw. I don't want no one puttin their hands on you like that." He told me, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

"Come on Johnnycake. It wasn't bad." I said, stopping to adjust my crutch.

"I know, but you're already hurt and all." Johnny explained, stopping with me.

I shrugged and started again. "Where're we goin anyway?" I asked.

"Bar. Play a little pool. Two-Bit's gonna get us some beers." Johnny answered, shrugging.

"Gross." I said to the beer part.

"It's good." Johnny commented.

"It looks like piss." I said.

Johnny nodded, taking the cigarette back. "You're just a kid."

"Two years younger. I'm not a kid." I complained, pushing him.

"Hurry up you guys." Two-Bit said, turning around. "We have to have baby here back for dinner."

I blushed, "Not a baby."

When we got to the bar Johnny, Dally, and I went to a table while Two-Bit got them some beer.

"You gonna try and play?" Dally asked me.

"Are you kidding me? Look at these people." I said, looking at all the other greasers.

"It's cool. Just sit here." Johnny instructed as Two-Bit came back, handing him a beer.

"Don't you get caught with that. You don't look a day over ten." Two-Bit said, sitting down. "You want something to eat or drink, Pony?"

"Naw. I'm okay." I answered, looking around. I felt kinda weird there.

"We'll be right back." Johnny told me; leaving his already half drank beer on the table.

I nodded, wishing I had stayed home. I watched my lover and friends walk over to the nearest pool table with some other guys.

They lined the balls up and handed the pool stick to Johnny. He leaned down and I got a perfect look at his butt.

I'm not sure when happened in the game, but every time it was Johnny's turn I watched.

In the meantime I needed something to keep me busy. I looked around; watching people play darts then watched the bartender for a while. It was all boring. Johnny's beer caught my eye and I looked at it longingly. I mean one taste wouldn't _kill_ me. I reached over, after looking around, and grabbed the brown bottle. It smelled as gross as it looked. I quickly took a drink and wanted to spit it back up. It was so gross! It burned my throat as I swallowed. I put the bottle back and wiped my mouth.

'I'm never drinking.' I thought, sighing. And then I was bored again.

"What's going on here?" I big man asked, making a B-line over to me.

"Huh?" I almost squeaked out of the shock.

"What are you doin here, kid?" He asked, putting his hands on his hips.

'Plain clothed cop!' I thought, making the fear jump to my throat. "I'm here with my friends."

"Oh yeah? Whose drink is this?" The cop asked, pointing to Johnny's beer.

"One of my friend's." I answered quickly.

"Right. Come over here. Let me smell your breath." He demanded.

I blushed, knowing I was in for it.

"What's this, huh?" I heard from behind me. I don't think I was ever so happy to see Tim Shepard and his gang.

"Kid here's been drinkin." The cop answered.

Tim laughed along with his gang.

"Little Ol' Ponyboy Curtis? Yeah right." Tim's 'second in command' Harvey said.

"His older brother'd kick him half way to China." Another commented.

"Besides," Tim said, calming everyone down, "that's my beer. Left it over here with him."

The cop looked from me to Tim then shrugged. He walked away over to the bar to order himself a drink.

Tim slipped into Johnny's chair beside me, nodding to everyone telling them all to sit down. "What _are_ you doing here, Little Curtis?" He asked.

"Came here with Dally." I answered, trying to calm down.

"Oh yeah. We saw him and the other two over there." Tim said. "Hey Mickey, get me a beer would ya?"

"Sure thing Tim." A guy said, getting up quickly and going to the bar.

"What's that?" Tim asked, pointing to my crutch.

"My crutch." I answered, blushing again.

"You handicap or something?" Harvey asked, picking it up.

"Broke my ankle." I told them.

"How?" Tim asked, taking his beer from Mickey.

"Tripped." I answered, taking it back from Harvey before he broke something.

"Hey man." I heard from behind me.

Dally, Two-Bit, and Johnny were coming back to rest.

Johnny leaned over me to grab his beer.

"There's a plain clothed cop over there." I whispered to him.

Johnny nodded, taking a quick drink, before setting it back down where it was.

"What are you low lives doing here?" Dally asked, pulling a chair up, in between me and Tim.

"The fuzz was after Pony here sayin he was drinkin." Tim said with a grin.

"Well we can make sure he wasn't." Dally said, grabbing my chin roughly.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Johnny flinch as he forced my face close to his.

"Breath through your mouth." Dally commanded.

I did, wanting to get away.

Dally sniffed a little then looked at me weird. "Well I'll be damned."

"Pony? You been drinkin?" Two-Bit asked.

"I took a sip of Johnny's beer." I said, pulling myself away from Dally.

Tim chuckled, putting a hand on my shoulder. "How'd it taste?"

"Like piss." I answered, looking at the table.

Dally and Two-Bit chuckled as well.

"First time for everything." Dally commented.

We left the bar around nine with the Shepard Gang.

Johnny and I hung out with the youngest Shepard member, Ken. He was fourteen and mean. But to be in the Shepard Gang you have to either be mean or smart, and this kid wasn't smart.

"Man I can't wait for the next rumble. Never been to one and Tim's just now sayin I'm old enough." He said with a big grin.

"Rumbles aren't that great. You beat someone's face in and get your own beatin. Nothing special. It's like asking for your own mugging." Johnny said, letting the wind blow his bangs out of his face.

"What do you know?" Ken asked, putting his hands deep in his pockets. "Can't even beat up a little girl."

"He knows a hell of a lot more than you. You better watch your mouth kid." I snapped, hitting the kid over the head with my free hand.

"Don't you touch me, _Ponyboy_." The said in a mimicking voice that got my anger raising.

"You shut up, Kid!" I almost yelled.

"What are you gonna do? Huh? You can't even walk on your own."

"Shut it." Johnny said, grabbing the boy by his shoulder.

Ken whipped around and punched Johnny in the chest, knocking the breath out of him.

I dropped my crutch and jumped one Ken, taking him to the ground. Before he knew it, I had him pinned.

"What the hell?!" I heard from in front of us.

Ken struggled to get up, but I just held him still.

I don't know what I was thinking, but I quickly grabbed my crutch and put it across his throat. "Don't move, Punk."

He didn't. He was smart.

Before anything else could happen, I felt myself being picked up.

"What happened?" Dally asked, holding me up as some one from the Shepard gang picked Ken up.

I looked around and found Johnny standing with Two-Bit at my left.

"He hurt me."


	5. My China Doll

Chapter Five

Author's Note!: This chapter is dedicated to all my wonderful reviewers.

**TheNightimeSky **

First reviewer awesomeness!

**Undistinguishablefire**

Thanks for the complement even if you thought it was a one shot.

**Seductivemessiah**

LOL. I hope you review more. I enjoy reading them.

**Madamadadanechibisuke**

Thank you.

**GreaserLover**

This chapter might be mostly for you. LOL. I'll try to update as much as I can as long as you keep reviewing and reading.

Thank you all!- JohnnyPonyboy

Chapter Five 

My China Doll

"That was the stupidest thing you could have done!" Dally yelled as we walked to the house. "You could have hurt yourself and had me killed!"

"Stop thinkin bout yourself so much. Makes you sound egotistic." I snapped, having troubles with my crutch.

"You're a dumb ass kid." He muttered, lighting up.

"Shit!" I finally yelled tossing the crutch down. "Piece of shit!" I yelled.

"Calm down." Two-Bit said, picking it up. "What's your problem?"

"Well I have a broken ankle! I sat at a table all night with Tim and his drunken friends! Now I have this egotistic ass yelling in my ear!" I yelled, leaning on a tree beside me.

"You're a stupid kid! We shouldn't have brought you along! You little tag along!" Dally yelled, getting closer to me.

"Wow thanks for the reminder, Steve!" I yelled back.

"I should just knock your lights out." Dally whispered, getting nose to nose with me.

"I DARE you!" I yelled. Don't think I wasn't scared. I was really scared. I knew Dally would do it, but there was still a chance that he was too scared of Darry to touch me.

"Calm down." Johnny said, pulling Dally away. "Gees, like a bunch of babies." He muttered, putting my arm around his shoulder.

"Look I'm gonna get outa here 'fore I kill the kid." Dally said, walking away all angry like.

I hated him for that. Dally thought he was everything. Like if he was gone the world of Greasers would just fall apart. I plain hated Dallas Winston at that point. He'd really gotten to me. I ain't no tag along. Johnny asked if I'd come.

Two-Bit carried my crutch as Johnny helped me. We weren't that far from home and I knew Darry already had a bone to pick with me.

"Dally didn't mean it." Johnny whispered, squeezing my hip.

"I did." I said, calming down at the sound of his voice.

"I know. He was being real mean and self centered about that, but he's just Dal." Johnny said.

He still idolized him after what he got us into at the church. If it wasn't for him Johnny wouldn't have almost died in the fire. If we had just gone to ANYONE else we would have been better off.

"I don't wanna go home." I whispered, scared of what Darry might yell about or how I might take it.

"You'll be okay." Johnny said as we to the gate.

Two-Bit turned around and sighed. "I'll go in first and tell Darry about what happened. Just stay out here." He told us, opening the gate for us.

Johnny and I sat on the step as Two-Bit went in.

"Tonight was…" Johnny started, but trailed off, not being able to find a word for it.

"Horrible." I added, feeling like crying my eyes out.

"Yeah. Look sorry I left you there with the Shepards and all. You gotta tell me when you're uncomfortable." Johnny said, lacing his fingers with mine.

"You looked like you were having a good time with the guys." I said, putting my head on his shoulder.

"Yeah, but I care about you way more than Dally and Two-Bit." He said, smiling down to me.

I nodded and rested my eyes.

The door opened behind us.

"Come on in you guys." Sodapop said.

Johnny helped me up.

Sodapop gave me a sad smile, ruffling my hair as we went by.

Darry was sitting on the couch with Two-Bit. He looked up to up and frowned, but he wasn't mad. "Go on to bed, Pony. I'll cook you and Johnny some soup in a few minutes."

I nodded, feeing kinda bad for stressing him out.

Johnny got me to my room and turned around as I changed into my sleep clothes. I got them on okay by myself. When I was done I fell back into the bed and got under the covers. Johnny sat beside me, taking his shoes off before joining me under the covers.

"You want something more comfortable to sleep in?" I asked, watching him remove his leather jacket, dropping it on top of his shoes.

"Naw. I'll be fine." He said, resting his head on Sodapop's pillow.

"Johnny?" I asked, rolling over on my side.

"Yeah?" he asked, doing the same.

"What would you say if I told you I love you this time?" I asked.

Johnny smiled; it was the first time that night that he didn't look just totally scared of something. "I'd say I love you." He answered, leaning over and kissing me quickly.

Darry came in with two bowls of soup and two Pepsis. "You two gonna be okay tonight?" He asked after we got settled.

"Yeah." I answered for both of us.

"If you need anything, wake me up." He said, leaving.

That wasn't going to happen. I hadn't woken Darry up when I was scared since I was twelve. We used to be close then.

"Darry sure cooks good." Johnny commented when he finished.

I nodded, taking his bowl from him and putting it on my desk.

Johnny was already curled in the blackest with his eyes shut when I turned around.

"Sleepy?" I asked, turning the lamp off.

"Yep." He answered.

I pulled him closer to me and he grabbed my shoulders tight. It didn't take long for Johnny's even breaths put me to sleep.

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I woke up to darkness. It was so quiet I was scared to move. I had a bad dream, but I could kinda remember this one and it wasn't half as bad as my other ones.

I rolled over in the dark and my hand searched for Johnny. When I found him I pressed myself against his back. It was so warm, but I still shivered I felt Johnny move a little, and then roll over to face me. He looked at me for a second the hugged me to his chest.

"What wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing. Just a dream." I answered quietly.

"When you have a bad dream just wake me up." He said yawning.

I buried my face into his shirt. "I feel like a baby."

"You are. But I love you." Johnny said, holding me tighter.

I laughed quietly and closed my eyes.

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The next time I woke up I woke to light and the bed was empty.

I sat up quickly and looked around.

Johnny's Jacket and shoes were still on the floor, so he couldn't have gone far.

I got up and went to the living room, sure he'd be there watching TV or something.

He wasn't.

The only people in the living room were Steve and Sodapop, getting ready for work.

"You guys seen Johnny?" I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes with my free hand.

"Shower." Sodapop answered checking behind the couch for something.

"I gotta pee!" I wined after a minute.

"Then go. You and Johnny have the same parts." Sodapop said, sitting down and putting his socks on.

I blushed and remembered they didn't know about us. If I declined then they would get suspicious.

Quickly I opened the door and slipped in.

"It's me." I said to Johnny.

"O-Okay." He said, sounding kinda embarrassed.

I quickly did my thing and went to the sink to fix my hair and all. I put my crutch against the wall and leaned on the sink for support.

The shower turned off soon after I came in, while I was washing my face.

"Pony, could you hand me my towel?" Johnny asked, sticking his head out.

"Sure." I answered, grabbing the towel from the side of the counter. I handed it to him and went back to scrubbing my face. I saw Johnny get out through the mirror.

"Morning." He said, going to the other end of the bathroom to put his clothes on.

"Morning." I muttered, starting on my hair, carelessly dropping the rag over beside the clothes hamper. Darry hated it when me and Sodapop did that.

After a minute Johnny was coming over to the sink to do his hair. The next thing I knew we were both on the tile floor. Johnny had slipped on the wet rag and fell on me. Me, without the crutch, wasn't entirely stable.

The door opened and Steve was looking down at us.

"What happened?" He asked looking down at me and the jean clad Johnny.

"Slipped." Johnny answered, getting to his feet.

"Gees…" Steve said, before turning around to tell Sodapop and Darry, who was in his room getting ready.

Johnny helped me up, apologizing.

"It's okay." I said, leaning back on the sink.

Johnny slipped into his shirt and put his grease in. "Did I hurt you?"

"Naw." I answered. That wasn't true. My ankle got a little hurt from it, but not much.

When we were done getting ready Johnny insisted he go to his house to get more cloths.

"You can just wear some of my clothes." I said as he walked to the door.

"I'll be back soon. If you watch TV or something you won't even notice I'm gone." He said.

"Don't get hurt." I said as he left. I don't even think he heard me. I sighed and turned the TV onto the news channel. My mind wondered to what Johnny was doing.

To me, Johnny was like a China Doll, made of thin porcelain. He could be broken so easily. If you hold him to tight. If you hit him too hard. If you push him to the ground. It made me scared when he left the house, or even when the guys were being rough with each other and he was around. I was scared someone would, accidentally or purposely, break him beyond Darry's quick repairs.

Johnny was, and always would be, my China Doll.


	6. We Deserve Each Other

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

We Deserve Each Other

Johnny was gone way longer than he intended to be, but he came back unharmed, with a sack of clothes.

"What took you so long?" I asked, following him to my room, where he put his sack in the corner.

"Had to sneak in and out. Dad was upstairs, but Mom was on the couch." He said going to the kitchen for a drink.

"How'd you do it?" I asked, tagging behind.

"Mom had to get another drink." He answered.

We went back to the living room and sat on the couch.

After a few minutes Johnny set his drink down and kissed me. It surprised me, but I got over it. I put my hands on the back of his warm neck letting him inside my mouth. Almost as soon as his tongue slipped in we bumped teeth. We both pulled away quickly, hands covering out mouths.

Johnny snickered then laughed. I joined in, putting my forehead on his shoulder.

"That was you." I said when we calmed down.

"Was not!" Johnny said back, swatting me on the head.

"Was too!"

Johnny tackled me, watching out for my bad ankle. "Don't lie on me." He said, playfully poking me in the side.

"You're the liar." I said, flicking him on the chin.

Johnny stared down at me with a grin then pressed his lips against my neck.

I gasped, closing my eyes tightly.

His wet lips moved slowly against my exposed neck for a few seconds before he pulled back.

"How do you feel about this?" He asked, getting nose to nose with me.

"Good." I answered after a long second.

Johnny kissed me again, only shortly. He pulled away and smiled at me. "You're just a kid."

I bit the inside of my lip and looked away from him. "I don't understand."

"What?" He asked, getting off me.

We both sat up and I turned to look at him.

"Do you really love me?" I asked, scared of the answer.

"Yeah." He answered.

"But I'm just a kid. I've been hearing that so much!" I let out.

Johnny took my hand, drawing circles in my palm with his thumb. "You're innocent."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"You're not like all us. We've all jumped someone for no reason. We've all stolen and drank ourselves stupid. Why do you think Darry's so hard on you? He doesn't want you to end up like him or Sodapop. He wants you to be the best." Johnny explained.

"You… even Soda… Who'd you jump?" I asked, getting my thoughts straight.

"I don't know. It was about two years ago. I don't know his name, but he was a Soc and I was angry. I just busted a bottle and demanded all his money and whatever else he had in his pockets. After I threw everything away, I felt so bad." He explained, letting my hand go.

"So I'm a kid?" I asked, feeling ashamed.

"No… It's just like a nick name. Don't worry about it, baby." Johnny blushed as soon as the word 'baby' escaped his lips.

I blushed too, smiling a little. "Do you really think of me like that? Your baby?" I asked.

"Well sure. I mean… you are…" He answered, getting a little redder.

I nodded, leaning in and kissing him.

Johnny put his hands on my shoulders, pulling me closer. He forced my mouth opened and shoved his tongue in. It felt good when he rubbed his against mine.

I pulled away, leaning down to kiss his neck.

Johnny pushed me up, kissing me quickly. "Not now. We can't get into this."

I nodded, hugging him close. "I love you."

"I love you too."

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Dally came over, drunk, around four. He stumbled in while me and Johnny were eating lunch.

"You okay?" I asked as he fell down on the couch.

"No." He answered, burying his head in the pillow.

"Need some Aspirin?" Johnny asked, putting our plated in the sink.

"I'll do the dishes. Take care of him." I said, taking a glass down from the cabinet and filling it with cold water.

Johnny nodded, taking the water and Aspirin.

I ran some hot water and added dish soap. Not much, just a little, 'cause I was only cleaning two plates. When I was done I walked back to the living room.

Johnny was sitting on the other couch while Dally slept on _the_ couch.

"Did he even take the pills?" I asked, sitting beside him.

"Yeah." He answered, taking my hand.

I blushed, looking from him to Dally.

Johnny put the back of my wrist to his mouth and sucked silently.

I gasped, not really knowing what to think.

He let me go, giving me an innocent smile as he got up and went to the bathroom.

"Not far!" I yelled without thinking.

"Shut up!" Dally yelled, rolling over.

I stormed over to the bathroom door. "That was wrong." I whispered through the door.

"You're just angry because it worked." He said.

"Open the door." I demanded, twisting the handle to find him holding on the other side.

"No." He said.

"Come on!" I whispered louder.

The front door opened.

I twisted around and saw Sodapop and Steve coming in from work.

"What are you doing?" Soda asked, sitting on the couch while Steve looked Dally over.

"Me and Johnny were… just… messing around." I answered, trying so hard not to blush.

Johnny opened the door, hitting me in the back with it.

Sodapop just shook his head and turned the TV on.

I looked back at Johnny and he frowned at me.

"Hey Pony, we got you a ball to accompany your other one." Steve said, tossing a small bouncy ball to me.

I barely caught it, but I caught it. I glared at Steve, but was kinda happy he gave it to me.

"Come on Johnny." I said, going to my room.

We both sat on different sides of the room, legs spread opened.

I tossed the ball over to him. Johnny caught it and tossed it back.

"I feel like a two year old." I said smiling at him.

Johnny grinned going along with the game. "You kinda look like one too."

"Shut up." I wined, tossing it extra hard.

The ball went right by his head, hitting the wall, then came back at me, hitting me in the head.

"Ow!" I wined.

Johnny was laughing on the other side, laying down on the floor.

I joined in after a minute, playfully slapping him in the back as he rolled over.

"We deserve each other." He choked out.


	7. A Reason For Living

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven 

A Reason For Living

(One Week Later)

I was getting better without my crutch, although I could never walk without it in front of Darry.

Johnny still hung around a lot, not going back home 'cause I wouldn't let him.

One day, while Johnny was asleep, Darry had me and Sodapop sit down with him in the living room.

"Look guys… We're going dirt poor here." Darry said, sitting in his chair.

"What? Why?" Soda asked.

"Look after we took Johnny in it kinda shifted the budget. I think we need to get him to go back home." Darry said.

"What? No!" I said, standing up without my crutch. "There's no way he's going back there!"

"Ponyboy, calm down. Johnny can take care of himself." Darry said, not looking at me.

"Do you even care about him? After everything that's happened how can you do this?" I asked.

"Look, I have to think about you and Soda before everyone else! Do you want to go to a boy's home because we went broke and I couldn't feed you?!" Darry yelled.

My anger faded and I just felt bad. I mean Darry was right and I was cornering him with this.

"We all love Johnny, but we just don't have the money." Darry said, calmly.

I nodded, getting my thoughts together. "They're horrible people."

"I know, but Johnny can hold his own. He's welcome here like the rest of the gang. I'm sorry." Darry explained.

I walked back to my room, leaving the crotch behind.

When I opened the door I found an empty bed. I walked in all the way and looked around for his shoes or his jacket. I found his jacket, but no shoes. The window was opened and I already knew what happened.

"Damn it Darry…" I whispered, pulling on my shoes quickly, hurting my ankle a little, and grabbing the jacket. I claimed out the window quickly, not really knowing where Johnny went. Maybe he was at the lot. Maybe he was at home.

I wanted to check the lot first. I really hoped he was there, it's much safer.

Sure enough he wasn't there, so I guessed he was at home.

"Damn it Johnny." I muttered, walking toward 'Hell'.

The house wasn't very far from the lot, but with my ankle messed up I had to be careful. I could see it after five minutes of walking. The grass was uncut; the paint on the house was chipping. There was an old, chainless, bike out front.

I decided to go around back and claim up to Johnny's window, like I did when I was younger. I grabbed a few bricks they had in the back and claimed on them, reaching for Johnny's broken window. I grabbed it and felt a piece of glass go into the palm of my hand. It hurt, but I could just get it out when I got up there. When I got into Johnny's room I saw that he wasn't in there.

I sat on the bed and quickly got the glass out. It wasn't deep.

I decided to check and see if Johnny was down stairs. I quietly left his room and went to the stairs.

He was there, sitting on the bottom step.

When I was about to whisper to him he was jerked up by his dad. I tried to stay out of sight, but I couldn't take my eyes off of them. Johnny was smacked hard as he dad held onto the front of his shirt.

"What are you doin back here?!" He yelled, pushing Johnny into the wall.

Johnny didn't say anything as his dad hit him again.

"Where were you? Whose family were you bothering?" He asked, kicking Johnny's legs out from under him.

I wanted to stop him, but what was I gonna do? He could beat me up too.

"No one wants you around." His dad said, taking his belt off and hitting him with it. The buckle collided with his head and I saw blood run down his face.

"Hey!" I couldn't stop myself. I ran down the stairs and stood between them.

"Who are you?" His dad asked, glaring at me.

"Doesn't matter." I answered, picking Johnny up. "I'm calling the cops."

"Pony, don't." Johnny pleaded.

I looked back at him to say something and I felt the buckle against my ear. My hand shot up to it and I felt the blood run onto my hand.

Johnny grabbed my arms and pushed me behind him, taking all the punches his dad through at him. "Don't ever come here again." He whispered.

I nodded, holding onto him.

After a few more punches Johnny was unconscious and I knew I was soon to follow.

"You won't have to worry about coming back here." His dad said before he hit me in the temple. That's the last thing I remembered before I passed out beside Johnny.

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I woke up to the smell of grass. I rolled on my back and opened my eyes. The sun hit me just right. I sat up quickly, looking for Johnny or anyone.

Johnny was beside me, still asleep.

We were in a corn field that I'd never seen before.

"Johnny!" I yelled, standing up, not being able to look over the tall corn.

Johnny groaned and looked up at me. "Pony? Where are we?"

"I don't know." I said, still freaking out. "Johnny, what are we going to do?!"

"Calm down." Johnny demanded, getting up. "He did this to me before. It'll be okay."

"What do you mean? How do we get out?" I asked, looking back at him.

"We just have to start walking; I say we wait till tomorrow. My head's messed up." He said, sitting down.

I sat down beside him, shaking from how scared I was.

"Baby, calm down. We'll be fine." Johnny said after a minute. He put his arms around me, resting his head on my shoulder. "Sorry for leaving like that. I heard what you guys were talking about and I just thought that would be an easier way." He explained.

I nodded, pulling my legs to my chest. "When'd he do this to you?"

"Few years ago. It wasn't that bad." Johnny answered.

I took his jacket off and put it aside.

"It's a good thing you have that. It gets cold at night." Johnny said, letting me go and grabbing some corn. "Want some?" He asked.

I nodded, grabbing some for myself. It was dry and tasted gross, but it was food.

Darry was gonna be a nervous wreak by the time I came home.


	8. Tonight Will Be the Night That I Will

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight 

Tonight Will Be the Night That I Will Fall for You

We sat in the corn field silently for hours. Johnny was sleeping and I was playing with a stem.

Around sunset Johnny was able to stay awake with me.

"Real sorry bout falling asleep. I'm just really tired." He said, laying his head on my shoulder.

"It's okay." I said, watching as much as I could of the setting sun. It was nice, but I couldn't really see over the stalks.

"I promise I'll have you home tomorrow morning. We're not that far." He said, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I believe you." I said with no emotion. I was so sad and stressed at the time I just kinda shut down. My chest felt like it was full of smoke that was trying to find its way out.

"Are you gonna be okay tonight?" He asked, pulling away.

"I guess." I answered, not looking to see what he was doing.

"Are you okay? Talk to me Pony." He said, coming over and putting his jacket around my arms.

"Just weird." I answered, starting to feel bad for being kinda mean to him.

"I understand, but I'm here for you." He said, sitting back down beside me and pulling me closer.

"I know." I said, snuggling to his chest.

Johnny ran his hand down my back, letting it rest above my butt. I blushed, never being touched in that spot before.

"I feel bad for Darry and Soda." Johnny said after a while of sweet silents.

"Yeah." I said, quietly. "I think we should think of us tonight."

Johnny took a long breath. "What?"

"I mean… We're alone… It's nice out…" I tried to explain quickly.

Johnny pulled away from me, placing his hand on my leg. "I don't want us to go too far."

"I don't think there's a limit." I said, resting my forehead against his.

Johnny smiled. "There is. You don't need to take it all the way yet."

I sighed, knowing he was right. I wasn't fully grown and could get hurt.

Johnny took my hands in his. "Pony, I really gotta tell you, you mean the world to me." He whispered. "You've helped me a lot and… no matter what happens… I'll always love you. For real love."

I blushed, squeezing his hands softly. "Forever?" I asked.

"Forever." He answered. "But… If you love me then you'll do one thing for me."

I nodded. "Anything."

"Promise me you'll never go around my parents again. I can't live with you and your brothers. I have nowhere but my house to go to. Don't ever come over without me telling you its okay." He said, moving one hand up to my cheek. "Promise me."

I nodded slowly, resting into his warm hand.

Johnny leaned down and kissed me softly, pulling away seconds later. "Are you sleepy?"

I thought for a minute. I was exhausted, but I didn't want to go to sleep. "Yeah." I answered.

"Well go on to sleep." He told me, grabbing some corn.

"I… I don't wanna." I said, shivering a little.

Johnny rolled his eyes, smiling softly. "I'll go ahead and go to sleep too." He laid down beside me, letting me use his chest as a pillow. Johnny pulled the jacket over both of us and put his arms around me.

I closed my eye, but knew it would take a while to fall asleep.

"Pony…" Johnny whispered slowly.

"Yeah?" I asked, rolling over to face him.

"I need to be truthful with you. We can't have sex…" He said.

I felt weird. I mean I knew not right _then_, but never? "What? Why?" I asked.

"I… Uhm… I could have a venereal disease." He whispered at the last part.

"Johnny…" I said, thinking it all over. "I… don't care." I said after a minute.

"Pony, I would never let you…"

"No, Johnny. I love you. And if I want to… if I want to have sex with you I'll do it. I don't care what I get. I don't care if I died the next day." I told him, sitting up.

"Pony, you don't want to die over me." Johnny said, with a soft smile.

I took his hands. "Don't think about it, okay? You don't even know." I said. "Let's just go to sleep."

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I woke up on the ground, looking around.

Johnny was already up, getting ready to walk.

"Hey." I said, getting up.

"Mornin." He said. "I think we should get going." He started walking one way.

"How long will it take?" I asked, following him.

"Took about fifteen minutes last time, but I'm guessing about five, cause there was two of us on his back." He answered, pushing stalks out of our way.

"How far out of town are we?"

"Bout ten minutes." He answered. "My dad's not too bright."

I smiled, following close behind. "I'm glad you're here with me."

"Me too. The first time he did this I was wondering around for hours before I even got out of the field." Johnny said.

"Are you sure there's no where else for you to go besides your house?" I asked after a minute.

"Don't worry about me Pony. And don't forget your promise." Johnny said with entertainment in his tone.

"I won't. But you gotta make a promise to me too." I said, glaring at his back.

"What's that?" He asked as if it was all a joke and he was talking to a two year old.

"You have to stand up for yourself." I said.

"Pony…"

"No, Johnny. You have to. You can't live like this." I argued before he could say anything.

Johnny remained silent for the rest of the way out of the field; I thought he was mad at me.

When we got out of the field, Johnny looked around.

"I promise." He said, surprising me.

"Thank you." I said, hugging him tight.

"We need to hurry up." Johnny said as we separated. "Darry and Soda should be in bed if they didn't stay up all night."

I felt bad in the pit of my stomach, but also happy that Johnny and I had that one night together.

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We got home after an hour walk and the first thing I ran into was Darry.

"Where have you been?" He asked, not as angry as last time, but pretty angry.

"Johnny's dad… He… I don't know how to explain it." I answered. I didn't have much time before Sodapop grabbed me.

He hugged me tight and kissed my forehead. "Don't ever do that again." He said, letting me go.

"Sure…" I said, trying to gain my balance.

Soda grabbed my arm and pulled me down on the couch. "You gave Darry a heart attack."

I nodded, looking over to Darry. Johnny was explaining to him what had happed, which was a big thing on Johnny's part. Johnny has always been afraid of Darry, cause Darry was so much bigger than him.

"Did he go to bed last night?" I asked, still feeling bad.

Sodapop paused for a minute then shook his head. "Not for a second."

"Did you?" I asked.

"Yeah…" He answered, putting his arm around me. "But, God was it cold in that bed."

I smiled, leaning against my older brother. "Soda… I gotta tell you something."

"What?" He asked, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Me and Johnny… We're… We're more than just friends." I muttered.

"What?" He asked, standing up and looking at me.

"Soda?" Darry asked, walking over to us.

Soda was pale as he stared at me. "You and Johnny are what?"

"Soda, what are you talking about?" Darry asked, looking from me to him.

Johnny was staring at me, he looked scared.

I looked up to my two older brothers. "Sorry."


	9. Truth and Questions

Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine 

Truth and Questions

"Ponyboy, what's going on?" Darry asked uncomfortably.

I looked at Johnny, who was now digging the toe of his shoe into the carpet. "I can't keep this secret anymore. Me and Johnny are together."

Darry eyed me, he thought I was lying. Soda was still pale as he sat back down beside me.

"Pony, we ain't gonna judge you." He said, patting my arm. "But… I mean… I just don't…" Sodapop shut his mouth and shock his head.

Darry got eye level with me. "It's okay Pony. Go on and take a shower."

I nodded, getting up. As I passed Johnny we locked eyes, he still looked scared. When I got in the bathroom the first thing I did was turn the water on. I didn't want to hear the argument that was about to go on between Sodapop and Darry.

After my shower I notices Johnny was no where to be found.

"Where's Johnny?" I asked Darry, who was the only one in the living room.

"He went home." He answered, not looking up from his paper.

"Where's Soda?" I asked, looking around for him.

"He went to Steve's house." Darry answered, putting the paper down. "Sit down Ponyboy."

"Is he mad at me?" I asked as I did.

"No, he's just confused." Darry answered. "You have to remember Sodapop's just a teenager and you're still just a kid."

I nodded, not looking away from Darry.

"We'll both all ways love you. No matter what." He said, reaching over and taking my hand. "And even if I am hard on you sometimes, I love you more than anything."

I nodded again, squeezing his hand. "More than Soda? Do you love me more than Soda does?" I asked.

Darry paused for a minute before nodding. "I think so."

I smiled then frowned again. "Well… I got a question."

"What?" He asked, taking his hand away to rest against the back of the chair.

"How could you check for a venereal disease?" I asked, earning a weird look.

"Pony, is there something you need to tell me?" He asked.

"No… I mean yes…. I mean not me!" I said, searching for the words. "It's Johnny. He thinks he as a VD. We were gonna… Ya know…. And he wouldn't because of that."

"Well he can get checked at the doctor." Darry said, a little taken aback.

"How much is it?" I asked, thinking it over.

"It's free." He answered. "It's just a blood test."

I nodded, feeling a little better.

"Why don't you go get him? Take him to the doctor. They're opened." Darry asked.

"I promised not to go to his house again." I answered.

"Oh…Well I got to be at work soon." Darry said, looking at the clock. "Are you gonna be okay alone for a while?"

"Yeah." I answered, laying down on the couch.

"Okay, well I got to get a shower and get ready." He said, getting up and going to the bathroom.

I sighed and rested my eyes, falling asleep.

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I woke up to Two-Bit standing over me, letting water drip on my head. I groaned and rolled over. "Go away, Two-Bit."

"Come on Pony, wake up." He said, putting a piece of ice on my neck.

I quickly pushed it off, rolling over and glaring at Two-Bit. "What do you want?"

"Food." He answered, moving my legs off the couch to sit down.

"I'm not your cook." I said, going to sit in Darry's chair, reclining back.

"Come on Pony, please." He begged, turning the TV on.

"Go fix something yourself." I told him as I started to fall back asleep. I felt Two-Bit grab my arm and pull me up. "Let me go!" I hollered.

"Fix me food!" He said, dragging me to the kitchen.

I pulled away just as there was a knock at the door. I glanced at Two-Bit as I went to answer it.

A lady in gray looked down at me.

"Uhm… Hello?" I asked.

"Which one are you?" She asked, looking down at her clip board.

"What?" I asked, confused with the question.

"Which brother are you? I'm here to check the house out." She said, getting angry.

"Oh, I'm Ponyboy." I answered , stepping out of her way.

"Where are the older ones?" She asked, looking around the living room.

"Work." I answered. Well lied because Sodapop wasn't at work.

"And is there anyone home with you?" She asked, going to my room.

"Yeah. Keith Matthews." I answered, following her.

"Who is Keith?" She asked, writing something down on her pad of paper.

"He's one of Darry's friends." I answered as she walked out.

She went to the kitchen next where she found Two-Bit, sitting on the counter eating cake. "Keith?" She asked, looking disgusted.

"Yeah." He said, jumping off and wiping his hand on his shirt. He held his hand out.

She shook it quickly. "I'm Sandra Hills."

"You already know me." He said with a smile.

"Well Ponyboy, give this note to Darrel and have him call me tonight." She said with a small smile.

I couldn't think of why she was smiling, but I wasn't asking questions.

Some questions don't need answers.

**I know, short chapter. **


	10. You’ve got the Power

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

You've got the Power

Sodapop came home an hour or so later. He sat down on the couch and just stared at the TV.

"The state was here." I told him, crossing my arms.

He looked at me and nodded. "How'd it go?"

"I don't now. She told me you give Darry this note when he gets home." I said, sitting on the couch next to him. "Did you tell Steve?" I asked.

He was silent.

"Huh?" I asked, desperate for him to say no.

"Yeah." He answered, not looking at me.

I felt like I was dieing. I mean what a shitty thing to do. I looked at the floor and nervously tapped my foot. "Why?"

"Pony, you're not gay! You're confused!" Soda said, giving me a desperate look.

"You can't tell me what I am. Darry accepted me, why can't you?!" I yelled, getting up and hurting my bad ankle.

"You can't be gay, Ponyboy. What about Cherry Valance? Evie? Sandy? All those _girls_" Soda asked, grabbing my shoulders.

"Stop it!" I spat, pushing him. "Just drop it! I thought you said you'd love me no matter what." I felt like crying and I didn't care if I did.

Sodapop was silent again as he looked at his feet.

I stormed into _my_ room, grabbing all the stuff I knew was his. I tossed it out to the living room. "Go back to your room!" I yelled through my tears.

"Ponyboy, your dreams…"

"I have another brother to go to now!" I yelled, tossing everything out. "I'm not going to be in the same bed with someone who's _discussed_ with me!"

"Ponyboy, I'm sorry." He said as I came out, putting his tool box down.

"Too late." I snapped going back to my room and slamming the door shut. I sat on the bed, putting my knees to my chest. I could feel my heart breaking as I heard Sodapop transferring his things to his old room.

He used to love me. He was my brother, he had to love me. But he just stopped. It was a horrible feeling that made me sick to my stomach.

There was a knock at my door after a few minutes.

"Go away!" I yelled.

"Ponyboy, we need to talk." Soda said through the door.

"You had a chance and you messed it up!" I told him, going over to the door.

"I'm real sorry, honey." He said.

Fresh tears formed and rolled down my cheeks. "Shut up." I choked out.

"I do love you. Please believe me." He begged.

I slammed my fist against the door. "Shut up!" I yelled. "Please… Just leave me alone."

"Okay…" He said and I heard his foot steps.

I got back on the bed and pulled the blanket over my shoulders.

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"Ponyboy?" I heard.

It was Darry.

I opened the door and looked up to my oldest brother.

"Are you okay?" He asked, coming in and letting my close the door.

"I guess." I answered, sitting back on the bed.

Darry sat with me, putting his arm around me.

"I have a note from the state for you." I said, handing it to him.

He read it quickly then looked at it weird.

"What'd it say?" I asked.

"You home was satisfactory this time around. I would like to talk about the problems over dinner tonight. My number is 346-8901.

-Sandra Hills"

He read.

"She wants to come here?" I asked, looking the note over.

"I don't know." Darry answered, grabbing the pone that sat on my desk. He dialed the number quickly.

"Hello, Sandra Hills?" He asked.

"I'm Darrel Curtis. I'm okay. I was just calling to ask about dinner. Do you want to have dinner at the house or do you want to go out? Out. Okay well I'll pick you up at five? Okay bye."

"Darry you can't go out." I wined.

"You'll be fine here." He said, patting me on the shoulder. "Come on out to the living room. You can't lock yourself up all day."

"Yeah I can." I said, pulling my knees to my chest.

"Johnny's here." Darry said.

"Then tell him to come here." I said, burying my face in my knees.

"Okay, well I'll tell you before I leave." Darry said, kissing me on the head.

After a minute Johnny came in, quietly closing the door behind him.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked, feeling new tears.

"No." he answered, sitting beside me and putting his arm around me.

"I feel stupid." I said, resting my head on his shoulder.

"You're not. It was just a mistake." He told me.

"Will you love me no matte what?" I asked, putting my arms around his waist.

"Yeah, I will." He answered.

"Well you do anything for me?" I asked, slipping my hand up his shirt, resting it on his warm stomach.

"Y-yeah…" He answered, getting nervous.

"Well then come with me to the doctor and get tested." I said.

"Okay." He said after a minute.

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Johnny and I stayed in my room the rest of the night, but no matter how much a pleaded with him he wouldn't stay the night.

"I was with you last night. I have to go home tonight." He explained before kissing me.

I pulled away, putting my arms around his neck. "Don't."

"Ponyboy, don't make it harder. We still have a while before I have to leave anyway." He said, hugging me back.

I nodded, letting him kiss me.

There was a knock at me door, making me pull away quickly.

"Pony?" Darry asked from the other side.

I looked at the clock it was seven. "Come in."

Darry slipped in, he was in nice cloths from dinner.

"What'd she want to talk about at dinner?" I asked.

"She just said to get you a new sitter. Then she started… putting the moves on me."

"So…" I asked.

"So… She wants to come over tomorrow for dinner." Darry said. "Ponyboy… I think you should talk to Sodapop."

"I don't want to." I complained.

"Ponyboy, just do it. I promise good will come out of it." Darry said.

I nodded, getting up and stepping out to the living room where I saw Soda sitting on the couch.

He looked up at me. "Hey."

"Hey." I said, walking over and sitting on the couch

Before I could say anything he hugged me.

"I'm sorry for all I said." He whispered.

I hugged him back, burying my head in his shoulder.


	11. Like Father and Son

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven 

Like Father and Son

Sodapop and I dressed in proper clothes for the night Sandra Hills was coming for dinner. We both didn't understand why she wanted to have dinner with Darry again, but it wasn't like we could stop her.

"You boy's almost ready?" Darry asked through the door of our room.

I was working a comb through my hair. Darry decided I wasn't aloud to grease my hair that morning so, by five my hair was a curly mess.

"Gees Pony, you're gonna rip your hair out like that," Soda said, combing his.

"You didn't get plagued with curly hair so shut your trap," I said, giving up and placing the comb on my desk.

Sodapop chuckled at me, fixing my shirt collar before we made our way out of the room.

Darry took one look at me and muffled a laugh.

"Look at what you did to me!" I yelled, crossing my arms.

"You look fine." Darry said, rolling his eyes.

I sighed, sitting on the couch, waiting for Sandra Hills to be there. I didn't know what to feel about her. I mean she wasn't like most of the people that came to check out the house. She was too involved for reasons I didn't know. But I could guess and I did. My guess was that she had a crush on Darry. She wanted to seem like she cared about us just to get to Darry, well that wasn't happening. I wouldn't let it.

Darry was our brother and guardian; he didn't need a stupid girlfriend to get caught up in. Girls needed too much attention and I knew Darry would have to drop something or _someone_ to give it. I know, it sounded self-centered, but I didn't want Darry to be gone longer than he already had to. Especially after we got a good brother-brother relationship going after about a year of fighting.

There was a knock at the door and I cringed.

Sodapop walked passed me, taking large steps to get to the door. He opened it and put on his best smile.

"Hey, come in," He said, stepping out of her way.

She looked a lot different this time. She wasn't wearing the gray suit she was wearing last time, but a nice dress that went just passed her knees. It was blue and clashed with her long blond hair. She just looked like a regular lady, like the women you see cloths shopping.

Darry came out of the kitchen and smiled at her. "Hey," He greeted, putting his hands in his pockets.

Sandra hugged Darry, kissing him on the cheek. Darry hugged back seconds after.

'No!' I thought seeing this. There was no way Darry liked her back! I wasn't gonna let him!

"Dinner's ready, Sodapop take her to the kitchen," Darry said, walking over to me. "Are you okay?" He asked, shaking me a little.

"What? Oh… Yeah…" I answered, standing up to follow him to the kitchen.

Darry gave me one last look over before going to the kitchen.

I followed thinking of ways I could make her not like Darry.

The dinner was full of conversation that I wasn't a part of. Sandra hadn't done anything yet, but I had my eye on them.

"Oh Darrel, you are just wonderful. I don't see why you're not already taken," Sandra said putting her hand on his.

Quickly I took my fork and hit it against my empty plate.

Sandra, Darry, and Soda jumped.

"What are you doing?" Sandra asked, taking her hand away from Darry's.

"Uhm… It's a ritual. We're all devoted Scientologist. We do this every day after dinner," I said hitting my plate again.

"Ponyboy, stop that," Darry hissed, glaring at me.

"Ya know Darry likes to leave wet towels on the toilet seat after his showers. It's real weird," I said to Sandra. "You have some food between you're teeth too, it's gross."

Sandra looked at me weird then over to Darry. "What is going on here?"

"Pony…" Soda said, giving me a look.

I reacted my slamming my fist on the table.

"Ponyboy, go to your room," Darry demanded through his teeth.

I did, feeling a little bad for what I'd done, but I really hated to see Darry with a girl like that.

I sat down on my bed, taking the stupid dress shirt off, tossing it over to my closet and grabbing a plain white t-shirt. I slipped it on, running my hands through my hair after. I looked out of my window that gave me a full view of the porch. I saw Darry and Sandra standing there right outside the door. I opened the window a little, just enough to hear.

"So, could we do this again? Out to dinner I mean?" Sandra asked, looking up to Darry.

"I don't think so. Look I had a good time at dinner last night and a great time tonight, but I just can't," he answered, leaning on the door.

"I understand. You and your brother's a really charming, Darrel," she said, turning around to go to her car.

I saw Darry grab her arm.

"I really did have fun," he said, kissing her quickly.

I closed the window feeling good about myself, but still bad for Darry. I laid back on my bed waiting for Darry to come yell at me over what I did.

Sure enough about five minutes later there was a knock at my door.

"Come in." I said, sitting up.

Darry slipped in, turning the light on. "Ponyboy, what were you thinking?"

I shrugged, sitting cross legged on the bed.

"There must have been something. Ponyboy, talk to me. I'm not mad anymore," he said, sitting beside me.

"I didn't want you to get with her," I told him, feeling like a baby. I felt Darry's big hand on the back of my neck. "I thought you'd forget about me."

"Pony, come on. I couldn't forget about you and you know it. You and Soda are the most important things in my life," Darry said.

"But she would need so much time out of your day. So much attention. You'd have to drop something," I said, pushing his arm away.

Darry frowned and sighed. "Pony, in a way you're my son. Sodapop's my brother, but to me you're my son. I had to raise you when Mom and Dad died, you were only thirteen," he paused after a minute. "Do you understand?"

I nodded, knowing he was right. If Mom and Dad were still a live I wouldn't be the same. I would be more childish than I was. Darry helped me be like an adult, not that I always _acted_ like an adult.

"My point is, even if I was going to be with any girl I could never forget about you. In a way you're like my baby," Darry said, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Darry, weren't you the one that taught me to walk?" I asked.

"In a way, yeah. You took you're first steps when I was teaching you," he answered, smiling. "Look, get some sleep now. I'll wake you up before I go to work in the morning."

I nodded, waiting for him to leave the room before I kicked my pants off, tossing them in the hamper. I slipped under my cold sheets, bringing them and my blanket up to my chin.

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I woke up in the pitch dark from movement on the bed. Rolling over, I saw a lump curled up against me. It was too small to be Sodapop.

"Johnny?" I asked, shaking him.

He looked over at me, his eyes catching the moon light from the window. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," he whispered.

"No, it's okay. What are you doing here?" I asked, using his chest as my new pillow.

"Hadn't seen ya all day and I couldn't sleep in my house. Mom and Dad are having a huge argument," Johnny told me softly as he put an arm around me.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" I asked, trying to see his face.

"No, he didn't even talk to me today," Johnny answered.

I relaxed again, running my hand up and down his chest.

"P-Pony, that really feels good, but stop," He almost begged.

I nodded, placing my hand on his side. "I'm sleepy."

"Then go to sleep. I'll be here in the morning, baby," he said, running his hand through my hair.


	12. Let’s Just Stay

Chapter Twelve

A/N: I deleted the other chapter twelve and decided I needed to try this again. I wasn't really thinking right when I did that chapter. It could be because I always hated Cherry for how she acted without realizing that there were people that had it much worse then her. To say the least she hit a soft spot for me. I'm sure you'll all like this chapter much better. PONYBOY AND JOHNNY FLUFF!

Chapter Twelve

Let's Just Stay

I woke up to the sun the next time.

'That is way too bright,' I thought, pulling the covers over my head. I felt Johnny move a little as I did this.

"Pony?" he muttered, sitting up.

"Under here," I said softly as I pushed up on the covers.

Johnny slipped down under there with me, rubbing his eyes. "What are we doing down here?" He asked.

"Staying out of the sun," I answered, resting my head on his shoulder.

"It's stuffy under here," he muttered before pulling the blanket off of our heads.

I sucked in the cooler air and rolled over. "Too early…" I muttered. I heard Johnny chuckle.

"Come on, get up," he said, kissing the back of my neck.

"Don't wanna," I complained, pulling the blanket up to my chin. I felt Johnny's jean clad leg rub against my bare one.

"You gotta," he said, running his hand down my back. "Darry came in here to wake you up like two hours ago,"

"He did?" I asked, rolling over to face him.

"Yeah. I woke up instead. He told me to let you sleep," Johnny said, smiling a little at my hair. "Tuff,"

"Shut up," I said, sitting up and running my fingers through my curly hair. "Can't we just stay in bed?" I asked after a minute.

Johnny seemed to be thinking the same thing when he nodded, putting his arm around my neck.

It had been a while since it was just us and by a while I mean three days. It felt much longer to me.

"Is anyone home?" I asked, hugging his waist.

"No, Soda and Steve went to work and I don't think Dally or Two-Bit came over or nothing. When I went to the bathroom a while ago they weren't here," He answered, pulling me back onto the bed.

I let out a sigh as I pulled myself closer to him.

Johnny played with my hair as we laid there in silents.

It was real nice that we didn't have to kiss ad mess around to stay together like Dally and Sylvia or Steve and Evie. Johnny just needed to sit with me to be happy and whatever made Johnny happy made me happy.

"I went to the doctor yesterday," he whispered softly.

"Really?" I asked, looking up to him.

"Yeah, they took some blood and they have to send it out to be tested. It'll be about two weeks before we know," he told me, letting his hand fall to my shoulder.

I nodded, hugging him a little. "Did it hurt?"

"What?"

"The blood taking."

"Naw, just felt like a prick," he answered; I could hear the smile in his voice.

"I haven't been to the doctor in a while. Only for a sport check up,"

"Well then you need to go," Johnny suggested.

"No!"

Johnny pulled away at my outburst. "Pony, are you scared?"

"No! I mean… Well I don't like getting needles jabbed in me… It's normal," I explained, sitting up. "And the family doctor, Doctor Henry, looks like he's been dead for three years. I don't trust him."

Johnny smiled at me. "You're like a little kid."

"I am not!" I said, softly slapping him on the arm.

Johnny sat up with me. "So violent…"

"You're making fun of me," I complained, crossing my arms.

Johnny's smile softened as he leaned in, kissing me. "Sorry," he muttered as he pulled away.

I kissed him without saying anything. Even through cuddling and all was enough for us we still liked a little more. Johnny put his hands on my hips, pulling me onto his lap. I felt his lips move to my neck as I sat down. I pushed my fingers through his greasy hair. His tongue slid against my neck before he started socking softly. I let my head fall back to give him as much room as he needed. God, it felt so nice.

Johnny pulled away after a minute and examined the mark he made. "Oh gees, I'm sorry Pony," he said, running his finger over it.

"Is it big?" I asked, biting my lip.

"Yeah," he answered.

I shrugged, "Its okay."

Johnny nodded, pulling me into another kiss, forcing his tongue into my mouth. I moaned a little into his mouth as he pulled me closer. I put my hands on his neck trying to pull him closer as I got a little more turned on. That probably shouldn't happen, but it did and I think I lost my mind for a few minutes.

Johnny pulled away and pulled my shirt of quickly, leaving me in only my boxer shorts.

I blushed looking down at myself and chewing on the inside of my cheek.

Johnny put his hand against my red cheek, caressing softly. "Relax Pony."

I looked back at him, nodding. "I'll try."

He smiled, pulling his shirt off quickly.

"Johnny…" I muttered, looking at the scar in the middle of his chest.

"Don't worry about it Pony. It doesn't hurt or nothin," he said, covering it with his hands.

"What happened?" I asked, moving his hands.

"Nothing Pony, it doesn't matter," he told me, setting his hand on my side.

"Yes it does Johnny. Look at it," I said, pushing his hand away.

Johnny stared at me for a second then he looked down at the bed sheets. "I'm ugly…"

My heart stopped. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe what I'd done. I made him think he was ugly. "No Johnny, that's not what I meant."

"Ponyboy its okay, I know I have scars all over. It's ugly," Johnny said, forcing a smile.

"Johnny no," I said, hugging him closer. "You're not ugly," I muttered before kissing his neck softly.

Johnny held me tight as I did, shaking slightly.

I pulled away when I felt a tear on my bare shoulder. "What's wrong?" I asked, seeing the tears in his eyes.

"You're too good," he answered, wiping his tears. "I mean what did I do to deserve you? I'm ugly and stupid."

"Johnny, you're not ugly and stupid. You have to stop being so hard on yourself," I told him before kissing him slowly, but I kept it simple. I pulled away after a second and hugged him again.

"Pony, I love you," he said, slipping his hands up and down my back slowly.

I shivered as I started sucking on his neck a little. He tasted so good. I pulled away after leaving a nice mark. I ran my hand down Johnny's chest as he rested his hands on my butt.

"Pony…" He mumbled, leaning in and kissing my collarbone.

"Yeah?" I asked, sacred of what h was gonna say. I already knew.

"We need to stop," he said, pulling away.

I sighed and nodded, there was no arguing with him.


	13. Give Me Reason

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

Give Me Reason

Johnny and I did get out of bed that day when Dallas and Two-Bit showed up for lunch. After a few minutes of them making fun of my hair I greased it back and made them something to eat.

"Ya know somethin, Pony? You're pretty good at this cookin thing," Two-Bit said, stuffing his face with spaghetti.

"Thanks," I said, eating slower than ever. I wasn't really hungry, but I was. If that makes any since at all. Probably not.

Johnny sat on the counter, not eating at all. He assured me he wasn't hungry when I tried to make him eat. His eyes stayed on me the whole time, I could feel it. His eyes dug into my back almost like he was trying to see right through me.

"What have you guys been up to today? Look's like you just got up," Dally commented, putting his bowl in the sink, almost the only thing he'd do to help clean.

"We did just get up," I told him, scrapping my leftovers into the trash.

"Long night?" He asked as I filled the sink with soapy water.

I shrugged, taking Two-Bit's bowl. "Couldn't sleep worth nothin."

"Me and Cathy went out last night to this new dance place. It's real nice and as long as your white you're aloud in," Two-Bit told us, cracking opened a beer.

"You mean one of those stuck up places?" Dally asked, sitting on the counter with Johnny.

Two-Bit shrugged, leaning back in his chair and propping his feet up on the table. "Cathy's into that kinda stuff."

I pushed Two-Bit's feet off the table. "They still thinkin over letting colors into that kinda stuff with us?" I asked, going back to the sink.

"Yeah, lots of protesters were there last night. I think they should just let them, not many people would really care," Two-Bit answered.

"It ain't right to not let someone do something cause of their color," Johnny muttered.

"It'll never happen. No matter how much people complain the colors will be with the colors and the whites will be with the white," Dally said, not really caring at all. He did have a colored friend or two, but Dallas could care less if they could be on TV or not.

To tell the complete truth, I didn't either. I had a colored friend. His name was George and he ran track. We hung out some, talked, but nothing big. He stayed with the colors and I stayed with the whites, it was just easier to go by the rules.

And I'm really one to talk about sticking with the rules.

I finished up the dishes, not listening to their conversation anymore.

Johnny seemed to be in his own little world to. He had a newly lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth and his head in his hands.

"You wanna hunt some action tonight, John? There's some new broads at Buck's you can meet," Dally said, putting his arm around Johnny.

"Naw man, I ain't interested," Johnny told him.

I looked down at the sink, letting all the water out. I didn't want the guys to see me blushing.

"Glory, you're like a camel, Johnny," Two-Bit said, laughing.

"What'ch mean?" Johnny asked, pushing Dally's arm away.

"I ain't never seen anyone go without sex for so long. Well, except Pony."

"Shut up, man," Johnny muttered.

I turned around, pushing his feet off the table again. "Keep your damn feet off the table."

"Watch your mouth, kid," Dally said, lighting up.

I rolled my eyes and went to the living room. I sat down on the couch, closing my eyes.

"_I ain't never seen anyone go without sex for so long. Well, except Pony."_

Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex!

I put my head in my hands, rocking back and forth.

"Man, you okay?" Two-Bit asked.

My head snapped up. "Yeah."

Two-Bit shrugged and sat beside me, turning the TV on.

I couldn't think about that with Two-Bit sitting right beside me.

"Come on, John. You need to get out and have some fun," Dallas and Johnny came in, sitting on the couch.

"I told you I don't want to," Johnny said calmly.

"Aw you know you want too," Two-Bit teased, reaching over me to push him.

"Did it ever cross your minds that he could be with someone?" I said, not thinking.

They all stared at me, Two-Bit and Dallas were surprised and Johnny looked calm. He wasn't scared this time.

"What are you talkin bout?" Two-Bit asked, turning the TV off.

I looked to Johnny for help. I mean, Dally could kill me, he wouldn't touch Johnny.

"I'm gay," he whispered, but looked Two-Bit in the eyes.

"Wow, wow! What?" Dally asked, pulling Johnny roughly around to face him.

"Don't do that," I snapped, putting my hand on Johnny's shoulder.

Dally knew better than to be rough with Johnny.

"What are you now, huh? His boy toy?" Dally asked, letting Johnny go and grabbing my arm.

"Dallas, stop that," Two-Bit said calmly.

"You are. You and Johnny are screwin each other." Dally said, still looking angry.

"It's more than that," I muttered, trying to pull my arm away.

"You're queers. No good queers."

"Dally I said cut it out," Two-Bit said, raising his voice.

"Stay outa this Two-Bit!"

"Let him go!"

"He's queer!"

"So?!"

"He's a stupid, dirty-!"

"SHUT UP!"


	14. Painted Family

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Painted Family

Johnny was standing, red at the face. He gave Dallas the meanest look I'd ever seen him have. His fists were bawled tightly, I guessed he didn't want to try pulling his knife.

"Shut up," he said quietly this time.

I'd never heard him use such a loud voice since he was caught in the fire.

Dallas let go of my arm and stared at Johnny with a pretty mean face, not even close to being scarier than Johnny at the time.

Two-Bit seemed surprised, like me, at the whole situation. It was like it all just started kicking in for him. Like he just heard that Johnny was gay and that I was his lover. It was pretty scary.

"What'd you say to my?" Dally asked, looking up to him from the couch.

"Y-you heard him," I muttered, standing. "Shut up."

Dally and Johnny stared at me with disbelief.

"This has nothing to do with you…" I said, more confident. "Ad you can't just yell about it."

Dally looked like he was gonna hit me and I was ready. I would take a punch to sand up for me and Johnny.

"Dally, calm down or leave." Two-Bit said, looking calm again.

"No, you stay we'll go." Johnny muttered, taking my hand.

Dally flinched at the sight, but didn't say anything.

Johnny and I slipped our shoes on and walked outside quickly. Right when we got outside Johnny pulled a cigarette out and lit it.

"That wasn't good…" I said, almost to myself.

"I know… I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything," Johnny said as we made our way to the lot.

"I started it. I just… I was scared you would go with him to see those girls if he kept asking," I told him as he sat down on the old, beaten up car seat.

"Pony, you really think I could do that to you?" He asked as I sat beside him.

"I don't know. I mean not like we've been… ya know doin it or nothin."

"I already told you why. And that stuff don't matter. Not to me," he told me, putting his arm around my shoulders.

"It just makes me feel like you could leave me any minute," I told him. "I don't think I could live without you now, Johnnycake."

Johnny smiled at me, holding me tight. "Glad to hear that."

I smiled, biting the inside of my lip as I leaned back and tried to shield myself from the sun. "I wish it were later."

Johnny nodded. "It probably ain't safe t be like this right now," he said, taking his arm away and getting up. "Let's go to my house."

I looked at him, surprised by his suggestion. "What about your parents?"

Johnny shrugged. "They should be at work."

I hesitated, before reaching up for him to help me.

Johnny took my hands and pulled me up.

We started our walk to his house, it wasn't a long one.

"Johnny… How come you like me?" I asked after a minute.

Johnny shrugged. "I like you for you, Ponyboy. I think what you're trying to ask is why I'm gay," he said.

"Yeah," I admitted.

"Well I just have never been into girls much. I mean, I'm not… not a virgin or anything. I just didn't like it either. There are lots of reasons," he answered, lowering his voice, if that was really possible.

"Oh," I couldn't say that I was surprised that Johnny wasn't a virgin. I mean I was like the only one left on that side of the town. It kinda had to do with the innocents thing that Johnny told me bout.

"Does that bother you?" he asked after a minute.

"No… Kinda…" I answered truthfully.

Johnny nodded s we got to his house. "Sorry…"

"Its okay, I'll get over it," I promised.

Johnny gave me a weird look, but opened the door. He was right, his parents were nowhere in the house. Johnny walked into the house after me and closed the door.

Johnny's house was pretty nice. His dad kept it that way so that if his boss came over for dinner or something it would look nice. There were pictures of Johnny and his parents everywhere in the living room. In the pictures they looked so normal, but fake as well. Baby pictures were there too. He looked a lot happier as a baby, but I guess everyone was.

Johnny noticed my staring and put his hand on my shoulder.

"How'd you all take those pictures?" I asked, not looking at him.

"Great acting," he answered, taking my hand and entwining our fingers.

"Is it hard?" I asked as he led me up the stairs to his room.

"No," he answered, opening the door to his room.

Johnny's room was nicer than anyone would have thought. He had a twin sized bed against the wall, a desk on the other side and a large dresser. The dresser was full of old clothes from when he was a baby to when he turned twelve.

I sat down on Johnny's bed, watching him closely.

Johnny walked over to the dresser and looked around, finally finding a t-shirt. He slipped the one he had on, off and tossed it into a basket. He pulled the new shirt on and sat beside me.

"So, what do you wanna do?" He asked.

I grinned and kissed him quickly.

Johnny grinned, putting his arm around my shoulders. "I knew it would be that."

"You're the one who brought me here. Alone in your house," I said, before kissing him again.

Johnny pulled away. "Are you complaining?"

I shook my head letting him kiss me again, but longer. I put my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Johnny pulled me into his lap, not parting lips. I opened my mouth for him when he licked my bottom lip. His tongue slipped in quickly, pushing against mine. I could feel his hand travel up the back of my shirt. I moaned into his mouth as he ran his fingers down the middle of my back.

Johnny pulled away and kissed my neck softly before he started to suck on one spot. I tilted my head to the other side, giving him as much room as he needed. I let my hands fall to his lap as I closed my eyes and relaxed.

Johnny pulled away after a minute, running his thumb over the mark. "Oh gees… That's pretty noticeable," he said.

"It's okay," I said quickly, not wanting him to stop.

"What about Darry and Sodapop?" Johnny asked, pulling away from me.

"They don't matter. Don't think about it," I told him, pulling him back over to me. "For once Johnny, think about you."

Johnny stared at me before nodding and kissing my cheek. His hands slipped down to the bottom of my shirt, pulling it up and looking to me to see my reaction. I'm sure all he saw was the red of my face and decided to pull it over my head and toss it to the other side of the room. As Johnny went in to kiss me again I put my hand against his chest, pushing him back.

"You're turn," I muttered, running my hand down to the bottom of his new shirt.

Johnny nodded, letting me pull it off and set it down behind me. Only a second after I'd gotten the shirt off Johnny had me on my back. Johnny started kissing my lips and ran his kisses down to my jaw, where he sucked slowly. I let out small quiet moans as his hands ran down my chest slowly, making small circles. Johnny moved his kisses down my neck and to my chest. I arched my back as he came down and back up my stomach.

"Oh god Johnny…" I moaned as he his tongue made contact with my nipple. My breathing increased as he sucked on it softly before moving back to my face.

_Slam! _

Johnny pulled away and looked over to his door. "Dad's home…"

I sat up with him as he opened his window. "What are we gonna do?"

"Sneak out," he answered, pulling his shirt back on, before tossing me mine.

"But we're on the second story."

"Don't worry. I'll go first," Johnny said, looking out the window.

"BOY!"


	15. Tease

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen 

Tease

The door opened and Mr. Cade stumbled in. He didn't look drunk, just angry. Johnny got out of the window.

"Go," he whispered to me.

"Johnny, I'm not leaving you," I told him, putting my hand on his arm.

"Haven't seen you in a while boy," Mr. Cade said to Johnny.

"Just go," Johnny demanded.

"Don't you love your dear ol' dad no more?"

Johnny tensed.

"Do ya?" Mr. Cade asked again, getting closer.

"I-I do," Johnny answered, backing away, pushing me into the wall with his back.

"Don't be scared," Mr. Cade said, putting his hand on Johnny's cheek.

Johnny started to shake violently.

"Don't be scared of you dad…"

"Stop it!" I yelled, getting out from behind Johnny.

Mr. Cade grinned at me, "I remember you."

My heart started to beat faster and faster. I felt Johnny's hand on my shoulder, pulling me back. "You don't give a damn about him!" I yelled, pushing Johnny's hand away. "Don't tease him!"

"You're a smart kid," Johnny's dad stated. He grabbed my neck before I could move.

I was pushed against Johnny as hard as possible. His grip was tight as he lifted me a few inches off the ground.

"I don't like you," he said, choking me.

"Let go!" Johnny yelled from behind me. "Please, let go!"

I silently pleaded with him to let go, not able to say anything. I tried to kick him, but it didn't work. I started to feel dizzy and saw red all around me. Johnny's pleads sounded far away instead of right in my ear.

Suddenly, I fell to the floor, gasping and coughing.

Johnny pulled me up, "Come on, hurry."

I looked back quickly and saw Johnny's blade sticking out of his father's arm.

Johnny pulled my arm roughly.

I turned around and ran down the stairs and out of the house with him. When we got a safe distance away from the house we stopped, letting me cough and throw up a few times. I could still feel his hand on my neck.

Johnny rubbed my back as I threw up for the last time.

"It hurts…" I muttered, wiping my mouth.

"You need to drink somethin, you've been throwing up stomach acid," Johnny said, putting his arm around me.

I nodded, feeling the need to sit down before my legs gave out.

"Are you okay?" Johnny asked, checking my pulse.

I nodded again, leaning on him.

"I'm sorry…" Johnny said, hugging me.

"It's okay," I said, hugging him back. I didn't care who saw, I didn't matter what they would think, cause they'd be right.

"Don't ever do somethin stupid like that again, ya hear? Couldn't go on without ya." Johnny said, letting me go.

I smiled and nodded. "I promise."

Johnny hugged me again, holding me tight. "I can't lose you."

I frowned; Johnny was really upset over what happened. "I'm sorry."

JPJPJPJPJPJPJPJPJP

Johnny and I went back home to find it empty. We sat on the couch and smoked for a while without talking. I burned up four cigarettes without even taking a drag.

"My birth day's coming up…" Johnny muttered, putting a cigarette out, declaring his last.

"Really?" I asked, not believing I didn't remember. "July…16?"

"Right," Johnny answered, smiling. "I'll be 18."

I nodded, putting my cigarette out.

"I'm gonna move," he said, taking my hand.

"Where?" I asked, feeling a lump in my throat.

"Not far, just a little ways out of town. I'm thinkin of tryin to get my GED."

I felt a lot better. "That's great Johnny."

"Pony, I want you to live with me,"

**Just giving you guys a taste. I'll have a much longer chapter up this weekend.**


	16. Glare

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

Glare

I sat shocked at what he'd said. "Johnny, the state… I mean I want to, but the state won't let me for another year or two," I told him, squeezing his hand.

"I know, but I was thinking you could stay here days and come back to my place nights. I mean I'm getting a job, I'll be working days so, and there would be no need having you there alone," Johnny said, holding my hand tight.

"But what about school? I still have school for two years," I said. I wasn't trying to bring him down I just didn't know if it could work.

"I'll take you once I get a car. I'm thinking over a job and all. Gees Pony, I don't know," he said, letting my hands go. "I can't stay here. I'm not staying with my parents. I gotta just get my own place."

I sighed, "I can't. Just not right now. I've got to stay here for just a while longer," I told him, putting my hand on his shoulder.

Johnny nodded, "You'll visit?"

I smiled, "Yeah. A lot," I answered.

Johnny smiled and hugged me tight. "Right after you're done with school…"

"I'll move in," I finished, putting my chin on his shoulder. I didn't want to let go, having Johnny in my arms that way felt good and it was so rare.

Soon after we parted the door slammed. Dally was back with a mean look on his face.

I looked at Johnny, who looked unfazed by the look.

Dally sat down in Darry's chair and lit up.

"What'ch want?" Johnny asked, turning to look at him.

Dally's eyes shot to Johnny. "Nothin."

"Thought you had a problem with us," Johnny muttered, knowing he was playing with fire.

"Look, it ain't my problem if you two are queer for each other. Just keep it away from me," Dally said, biting down on his cigarette. His eyes shot to me and he glared.

I looked away, not able to look him in the eyes.

"Good," Johnny said, leaning back on the couch. He looked more relaxed even when the expression in his face never changed.

"Everything can be like normal," Dally muttered, looking a little calmer.

I watched him close, he was hiding something and I could tell it wasn't good.

Dallas Winston hated gays more than anything else in the world. It was scary to be in the same room with him. He would look at me and glare every few minutes, but never at Johnny.

I looked at Johnny as he did it, begging for him to turn and see what was happening.

He never did. Johnny had his eyes fixed on a magazine he grabbed from the coffee table.

Dally's dangerous glare scared me as I sat two inches from Johnny.

I put my hand on Johnny's leg, squeezing for support.

Johnny looked at me and smiled before going back to his magazine.

"Hey John, goin out still tonight. Wanna come?" Dally asked, smirking at me before putting on a normal face.

"Naw, I'm gonna hang here for a while," Johnny answered, tossing the magazine back on the table.

I bit back a smile when I looked at Dally.

He seemed a little mad about it, but not more than before.

I looked back to Johnny, who was oblivious as to what was going on.

Johnny looked straight ahead of him with his arms crossed. He looked more uncomfortable than ever.

"Ya know… I think I'm gonna get goin now," Dally said, getting up and glaring at me once more.

"See ya Dal," Johnny said, smiling up to him.

"See ya kid," he said, ruffling his hair.

I couldn't tell Johnny what Dally was doing, it'd break his heart.

No matter what Dally had said to us Johnny would still look up to him and idolize him. I never liked that. Dally was a horrible person and the only person from that gang that I really hated. I didn't even hate Steve more than Dally. Dally was hateful and just broke the law to be doing it. Johnny was nothing like him and could never be.

"Pony, you okay?" Johnny asked, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Huh? Oh yeah. I'm alright…" I muttered, sitting back and relaxing.

Johnny nodded, putting a hand on my hip. "We're alone,"

I blushed a little and smiled. "Yeah,"

Johnny grinned, leaning over and kissing me softly.

I smiled into the kiss as I kissed back roughly.

It always took a little push to get Johnny really going. It was like he'd forget that I liked it when he was rough.

Johnny kissed harder, shoving his tongue into my mouth. He tasted around slowly. I ran my hands up to his neck and pulled him closer. Johnny pulled away after a minute and pressed his forehead against mine.

Over all, it was a good day even if I was scared of Dally more than ever.


	17. Dally’s Jealousy

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen 

Dally's Jealousy

-Two Weeks Later-

I only had another week before Johnny's birthday and I had no idea what to do. I mean how do you get something for someone who doesn't want anything? I swear I asked about it everyday and all Johnny would say is not to worry about it. How do I do that? I mean, no I haven't really paid much attention to his birthday before we got together, but then we were and he was getting something. Like it or not.

But there are other problems. Dally has been shooting me death glares all week and no one has noticed. I'm sure he could just get up and stab me in the face and no one would notice. But really, I'm pretty scared of him. He's not mad at Johnny he's mad at me. He's acting like I killed his best friend, whoever that is.

Anyway, the date is July 9th and I'm sitting outside reading and smoking. Not a smart combination.

Johnny was inside with Dally and Two-Bit.

The only reason I was outside was because I was sick of the glares. They weren't scary anymore, just annoying.

Well I was just sitting there, reading and smoking, when I felt myself being pulled up.

I dropped my book and bit down on my cigarette as I was pulled roughly to my feet.

"What the hell?" I turned around and was slammed into the gate behind me.

Dally was holding the front of my shirt in his hands.

I stared at him, sacred of the new look I was getting.

"End it," he demanded.

"End what?" I asked, letting my cigarette fall to the ground.

He slammed me against the gate harder. "You know what I'm talking about, fag!"

"OW! What?!" I yelled, earning a punch in the jaw.

"I don't know what you did, but Johnny ain't no fag. You made him do this. I know you did," Dally said, pushing me harder into the metal wire.

I closed my eyes, knowing it was best not to say anything, not to mention I was so scared I couldn't talk if I wanted too.

"You make me sick, Curtis," he said, letting me go.

I sat down and looked at the grass under me.

"End it, or I'll do a lot worse," I heard him said before he walked back to the house.

I shivered at the words, pulling my knees to my chest. I wasn't going to cry. If he saw me cry then he'd know he won.

He hadn't won.

No matter how scary he was, there was no way I was giving Johnny up for him. He was just angry that Johnny didn't spend as much time with him. It was true that Johnny was the only person Dally ever loved, but I guess if he couldn't share he'd have to find someone else to love.

I took a deep breath and dug in my pocket for my cigarette and lighter. I lit up and tied to forget about what happened. I wasn't gonna tell anyone. Even if I hated Dally, I wasn't gonna rat him out. That would be wrong.

"Hey there, Curtis," I heard behind me. I turned around and saw Curly and Angel.

"Hey," I said, pulling my self up and leaning on the fence.

Curly made a face, "What happened to you?"

I remembered Dally hitting me. "I got in a fight a few days ago," I lied. "Don't tell my bothers or nothin."

"Sure thing," Curly said. "Bum a smoke?"

I nodded, pulling two out and offering one to Angel, whom took it.

Curly lit a match and shared it with Angel.

"Pony, you hear Angel got married?" Curly asked, nudging his sister.

"Oh, really? Congratulations," I said, smiling at Angel, who just sighed,

"It's one of Tim's gross friends," she muttered.

"And she slept with the gross friend. We thought she was pregnant," Curly explained, making Angel glare at him.

"Ain't like he's not sleeping around on me," she complained.

I had gotten in the middle of something I didn't need to.

"Anyway, is Dallas here? Tim needs him," Curly asked.

"Yeah, he's inside. Come on," I said, grabbing my book and leading them into the house.

When we stepped inside the first thing I heard was, "What happened?"

I looked over and saw Johnny giving me a worried look, and then I looked at Dally, who was giving me a death glare. "I donno," I muttered.

I couldn't come up with a good lie for Johnny. I saw him fifteen minutes before and I wasn't beat up, so he wouldn't believe that I went out and got in a fight. I couldn't tell him the truth either.

"Dallas, Tim needs ya," Curly said.

"For what?" Dally asked, getting up.

"I don't know," Curly answered, opening the door and letting Angel leave first.

I was so thankful that he was finally leaving. I went and sat on the couch, putting my cigarette out.

"What happened?" Johnny asked again, sitting beside me.

I shrugged, not able to come up with anything.

"You have a huge bruise on your jaw. Who hit you?" He asked, staring at me.

I shrugged again.

Johnny sighed, "You can tell me."

"No I can't," I muttered. "You don't really want to know."

"Pony, who hit you?" Two-Bit asked, standing in front of me. "You're gonna have to tell someone cause when Darry sees this he's not gonna let you off."

I looked down at the floor. I really didn't want to tell Johnny. I felt his hand on the back of my neck. "Dally," I muttered.

"Not a surprise," Two-Bit said, patting me on the back. "Don't worry kid, he ain't gonna do that again."

I nodded, daring to look at Johnny.

He looked at the floor. He was calm, chewing on his lip.

I looked away and saw Two-Bit getting up to leave. "Where ya goin?"

"Don't worry about that. I'll see you two later," he answered, slipping on his boots and walking to the door.

I nodded, looking back to Johnny.

"What happened? Were you too arguing?" He asked, taking my hand.

"Kinda," I answered.

"Pony, you can tell me anything ya know?" He said, squeezing my hand.

I nodded, "He thinks I'm forcing you into this."

Johnny nodded, "Don't listen to him."

I put my arms around his waist, hugging him. "I'm not, am I?"

Johnny laughed a little, hugging me back. "Pony, I love you more than anything."


	18. All I have

Chapter Eighteen 

All I have

That night Johnny went home even after I pleaded with him to stay. He said that he'd see me the next morning.

I went to bed with Soda that night. It seemed like we hadn't slept in the same bed in forever.

"Hey Soda," I said as we laid in the dark.

Soda turned over, putting his arm around me. "Yeah?"

"How come Dally hates me? I never did anything to him," I asked, closing my eyes, waiting for his answer.

"I don't know, Pony," he answered, putting his arm around me. "Dally's just upset right now, don't mind him."

I nodded, feeling warm in my brother's arms.

"You really love Johnny, huh?" Soda asked after a minute.

I smiled, "Yeah, I do."

Soda grinned, "I remember the feeling."

"You miss it sometimes?" I asked, turning to face him.

"Yeah. But I'm sure I'll find someone one day," he answered; now frowning.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, feeling bad for bringing it up.

"It's okay, honey. You're happy and that's what matters the most to me," he said, holding me tighter.

I smiled, closing my eyes, ready for sleep.

With in seconds my eyes snapped opened again, "Soda, I'm having problems with Johnny's birthday."

Soda shifted a bit, "What'ch mean?"

"I don't know what to get him," I answered.

"Never put too much thought into it…" He said, rolling over to sleep.

"Will you help me?"

"Yeah," he answered, sleepily.

"Got any ideas?"

"No."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Two days after our late night conversation Soda finally took me out to go look. It was like the only day he was off of work that day.

We walked around, looking at all the stores.

Soda suggested everything and I mean everything.

"You think Johnny would want a pound of beef for..."

"No," I answered quickly

"What about new kitchen appliances?"

"No."

"Well you just had to date the picky one," he mumbled.

I rolled my eyes as we walked by more shops.

After a hour we sat down on a bench.

"This is taking forever. Can't we just get him a gum ball?" Soda asked, leaning back and shutting his eyes.

"Quit your complaining. I'm sure we'll find something soon," I said, not believing myself.

He sighed heavy and pause, "A knife?"

"Huh?" I was surprised by the serious guess.

"Well, Johnny likes to be safe right?"

"Right," I answered.

"So, what's safer than a blade?"

I sighed, but he was really thinking this time. "Good idea, let's go look."

Maybe it wasn't the best present ever, I sure thought it wasn't, but I mean I couldn't think of anything else.

We went into the store and looked around.

"What kinda knife are we looking for?" Soda asked, looking at the small pocket knives.

"I don't know," I answered looking through the switch blades. "He already has a switchblade."

"What about a butterfly knife. I here those are pretty nice," Soda suggested looking at them.

I shrugged and want over to look through them.

There were a lot of them and I didn't know what kinda Johnny would like. Short, long, double sided, single sided…

I finally settled on a single sided, long, silver one. It was simple.

"It's nice," Soda commented as we walked back home. "Let me see it."

"Okay, don't hurt yourself," I said, handing It to him.

Of course, five second into him messing with it he cut his thumb opened.

"What did I just say?" I asked, taking the knife and wiping his blood off the blade.

"I didn't mean too," Soda said, grabbing a rag out of his pocket.

I sighed, placing the knife in my back pocket.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

We got home and Soda quickly went to the bathroom to clean up as I sat down on the couch with Johnny and Steve.

"What happened to Soda?" Steve asked after seeing Soda run off to the bathroom.

I shrugged, kicking my shoes off.

"Long day?" Johnny asked, putting his arm around me.

Steve didn't seem to mind as much as I thought he would, but that was probably because he didn't want to make Soda mad at him.

"Yeah," I answered, leaning on him. "Really long."

"Well, when Soda gets out tell him I'll be at Buck's," Steve said, getting up and grabbing his jacket.

"Will do," I said as he left.

"Dally came over…" Johnny muttered after a few seconds of silents.

"Did you say anything?" I asked, my heart beating faster.

"Yeah… I told him that I knew what had happened," he answered, taking my hand.

"What did he say?" I asked, squeezing his hand.

Johnny shrugged, "Nothing… I told him to stay out of it and he just left."

I felt a little scared that he'd do something worse to me because I told Johnny.

"Don't worry about anything, Pony. If he hurts you again just tell me or anyone," Johnny said, trying to comfort me.

I nodded, "I will."

"I don't want you to get hurt again," Johnny muttered, holding me tight. "You're all I have."


	19. I promise, Baby

Chapter Nineteen 

I promise, Baby

It was finally Johnny's birthday, but it was like no one knew or they just ignored it. I mean I expected Darry and Soda to be at work, but no one said anything about it. I thought I'd gotten my dates wrong and I swear I check like ten times that morning.

Johnny made the day seem normal too. He came and went like he always did and didn't say anything about it to me.

I felt like I was going completely insane over it by noon. The knife was burning a hole in my pocket. I _needed_ to get rid of it. Every second it was in my pocket the stupider I felt. I mean, what would he need another knife for anyway. I'm a horrible boyfriend.

Either way, I was still freaking out over dates. Was I looking at the right date or did I hear him wrong. But I knew it was the right day. July 16th. I've had that date burned into my brain for years. I couldn't just forget at the last minute. I knew what the day was and I knew it was Johnny's 18th birthday.

I was _not_ going crazy.

Or was I?

At 12:45 I gave up with the whole pacing and looking at the calendar every few minutes. I plopped down on the couch and sighed, burying my face in the arm. Crazy or dreaming?

Crazy

Dreaming

Crazy

Dreaming

Crazy

Dr-

"Pony?"

I rolled over and looked up to Johnny. "Hey," I muttered, rolling back over.

Crazy

Dreaming

Cr-

"What'ch doing?" He asked, sitting beside me and putting his hand on my back.

I shrugged, not knowing what to say and really not feeling like saying anything.

Dreaming

Crazy

Dreaming

Crazy

Dre-

"What's wrong Pony? You seem a little off today," he asked, rubbing my back.

'Yeah, _I'm_ off today.' I thought as I rolled over too look at him. 'Does he look 18?' I thought, looking him over. 'No, he looks 16. Well Christ Cakes…'

"Pony?" He was staring at me.

"What day is it?" I asked as he played with my hair.

"The 16th," he answered, dully.

"It's your birthday, right?" I asked, closing my eyes.

"Yeah," he answered in the same tone.

"You're present's poking me in the ass," I muttered, arcing my hips to pull it out. I handed it to him.

"This is nice, you didn't have to get me anything, Pony," he said, looking at it.

"Yeah I did," I said watching him closely.

He seemed to really like it, not just being nice about it.

I smiled as he stuffed it in his back pocket.

"I really like it, Pony," he said, leaning down an kissing me softly.

"I'm glad. You have no idea how long it took to think of something," I said, putting my hand on his knee.

"I have some good news," Johnny muttered after a minute.

"What is it?" I asked, sitting up.

"I found a job and a place to stay. I'm moving there Friday," he told me.

I didn't know If I was happy or not. I knew he wouldn't be around as much, but he seemed happy about it.

"That's great," I said, smiling to him.

"You know I'll come and see you as much as I can," he said, putting his arm around me. "I still love you."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

-Friday-

The week passed fast and I dreaded Friday morning. The morning Johnny would be leaving.

He wanted to leave so bad, I could tell. That's why I didn't try and talk him out of it.

Johnny wanted to start his life as soon as possible. He could then, when he wasn't attached to his parents and this town.

Friday morning I got up early with him so that we could talk.

We sat on the couch making our _privet_ good bye's first.

I pulled away, pressing my forehead to his, "You're really happy about this, huh?"

"Yeah," he answered, kissing me quickly. "I'll be happier when you can join me."

I smiled and pulled him into a heated kiss.

"I love you, Pony," he muttered after breaking for air.

"I love you too," I said, keeping my arms around his neck.

"How about after you go to college we move somewhere far away?" He asked, rubbing my back slowly.

"Like where?" I asked, surprised by the question.

"Somewhere in the south. Remember, how you used to talk about it?"

I smiled, "That sounds good, Johnnycake."

He grinned and kissed me softly.

"You promise to come see me when you get settled?" I asked, pulling away.

"I promise, Baby."

**End**


	20. Notice!

**Notice! **

**I will be writing a sequel to I Love You When You Can't. Be expecting it by Sunday Nov. 9****th****. I hope you all like it, because I'll be working very hard on it for you. **

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**I hope this is everyone. But anyway, like I said, I'll be working on the sequel starting tonight (Nov. 5****th****) and I'll try my best to have up the fist chapter by Nov. 9****th****.**

**~Sierra (PonyboyJohnny) **


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